Denver:
NO KKK
NO NRA
NO NEO-NAZI USA
Send your photos to betsyriot@gmail.com. 
Washington D.C.
Washington, D.C.
NO KKK
NO NRA
NO NEO-NAZI USA
Adrian, Michigan
Maybe our favorite photo of the many coming in from across the country right now is of this badass Betsy in Adrian, Michigan, who feels the crisis in this country so strongly she stood outside her small city’s courthouse today. It is on YOU to raise your voice against white supremacists and fascists. Do you live in a red state? In a small town? Are you on your own? That is what makes your voice all the more powerful–no difference is bigger than that between zero and one person standing.
Seattle, WA
Seattle.
NO KKK
NO NRA
NO NEO-NAZI USA!
New Mexico’s “Koch Cain Problem”
In May, Americans for Prosperity set up shop in New Mexico, eager to start pumping dark money into state politics after lapdog governor Susana Martinez vetoed a bill that would require fuller disclosure of campaign funding. As you already know, Betsies, Americans for Prosperity is funded by the billionaire Koch Brothers and has been instrumental to funneling massive financial resources into pushing a far-right political agenda across the country that is dead-set on fucking the entire planet.
The New Mexico chapter of Americans for Prosperity is led by Burly Cain, exactly the kind of libertarian chode you would imagine, who, when he is not trying to wedge a flaccid Ayn Rand dystopic future up the unsuspecting poop chute of his state, opposes a living wage and spends his time on such ventures as “Adwallet,” which pays poor people pennies to watch shitty advertisements, thus making them all prosperous again.
Here’s a summary of the platform position of the New Mexico Americans for Prosperity:
–Dark money is just what democracy needs
–Obamacare terrible
–Exiting Paris Climate accord great
–Taxes bad
–Minimum wage bad
–Assault rifles, for-profit Christian “education” and pipelines great
Last night Cain held a NM Americans for Prosperity event, in which he offered to “educate” the public about dark money, trickle-down economics and the brighter future they hold for New Mexico—as bright as a nuclear dawn!
So New Mexico Betsies staged a funeral procession in front of the event, protesting the state’s “Koch Cain problem.” Cain responded by calling armed security—private security, so at least he gets props for libertarian consistency!—to keep a watchful eye on these terrifying Betsies.
Betsy in Denver
Denver, Colorado
ICE = Gestapo
Tacoma, Washington
“Thanks for the Sepsis”
So what does Louisville, KY, Betsy do to unwind after a long day spent telling hayseed neo-nazis to go fuck their moms? Why, she swings by the home of her old friend and recovering high school swirly victim Sen. Mitch “Murder Turtle” McConnell, and she drops off a “Thanks For The Sepsis” banner on his front doorstep in tribute to his incompetently executed and ultimately failed campaign to destroy healthcare for millions of vulnerable Americans–with a little career advice for the Yertle manqué tossed in for good measure.
GOP = Fucking Nauseating Shithouse
Today something appalling happened–it has been all over the news and has shaken some people to their very core, threatening the country as they thought they knew it.
No, not the Senate taking healthcare from millions or the president using trans people as a pawn in his idiotic political theater. Rather, it seems that two Albuquerque Betsies splattered a red energy drink on a Republican Party office sign after standing outside with words on posterboard. The simpering taints at the office strapped on their thunder shirts until they felt safe, then called the police to investigate the “spray paint” that they videotaped themselves wiping off with a sponge.
We at Betsy Central were contacted by the Associated Press about this tragedy, and here is our statement:
“Betsy Riot is an anonymous, decentralized, nonviolent, grassroots feminist organization. We were not informed ahead of time about this action by Albuquerque Betsies and were only made aware when the Otero County Republican Party went public with their outrage. We immediately launched an internal investigation of the circumstances surrounding the event, which included an emergency meeting of our leadership council, interviews with relevant parties and a comprehensive re-examination of our membership vetting process. White papers were produced, as well as PowerPoint presentations. The whole process took fifteen minutes.
Our findings were that the masked ‘violent’ radical extremists were actually two women in tee shirts holding signs. The ‘spray paint’ was actually an energy drink. The “A” stood for ‘Assholes,’ which is what the GOP are. And the only thing that was obstructed at the building’s entrance was the already low chance the assholes within the building had of getting laid.
In their interviews with Betsy Riot leadership, the Albuquerque Betsies noted that the Republican Party has become a fucking nauseating shithouse full of misogynists, racists, homophobes, gunlickers, and general moral rot that is attempting at this moment to kill countless Americans as well as destroying our democratic institutions and the very fucking least a decent human being ought to be doing is calling these morally diseased chodes for what they are on a regular basis.
The Albuquerque Betsies further pointed out only an ethically defunct shit-for-brains like a Republican Party official would waste police resources on mean words and a sugary drink and call such a protest ‘violent’ even as the literal human excreta they elected to Congress are attempting to kill people. The Albuquerque Betsies align themselves with similar recent protests by the Betsy Riot in Kentucky, Virginia, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, and even the Isle of Man, all places where local officials are making it a priority to fuck over women, people of color, the poor, the vulnerable, or our entire planet, and where they will continue to face opposition by the growing numbers of the Betsy Riot.
We were satisfied with these answers and consider the case closed.
–xoxo Betsy Riot”
US News & World Report: https://www.usnews.com/…/2-protesters-accused-of-vandalizin…
The Santa Fe New Mexican: http://www.santafenewmexican.com/…/article_91d76fb4-e371-5f…
Raw footage of the devastating cleanup operations: https://www.facebook.com/newmexicogop/videos/10155980218396874/
How’s It Feel, Asshole?
Kansas’s Attorney General Kris Kobach is an abscessed penis wrinkle who has risen to rightwing glory through his distinct blend of Islamophobia, disparagement of immigrants, and general evangelical twatbaggery. He is currently leading the charge under his Putin-owned overlords to completely fuck American democracy by requesting voter information from all 50 states under the pretense of investigating voting by illegal immigrants. Recently, Kobach published the names and addresses of citizens who had written his committee to complain about his voter suppression efforts.
Kobach is the perfect chode to lead Trump’s committee on “voter fraud,” being no stranger himself to cheating: he was recently fined by a federal court for lying to conceal the nature of documents in his possession about the National Voter Registration Act, and a couple of years ago he lied when applying for a building permit in Kansas, though the friendly officials there made the unusual decision not to penalize the attorney general.
Like most lying sacks of fascist excreta who avoid the law in their own lives while trying to jackboot women and people of color, Kobach gets his “moral” support from a hate megachurch in Overland Park that dresses up oppressive public policy as the revealed will of Jesus. Christ Church Anglican is part of the Anglican Mission of the Americas, which, among other predictable horseshit, aligns itself with the movement in Africa to persecute gay people.
So some betsies left a greeting card at Kobach’s rural property, then–in a rare exception to Betsy’s policy of not doxxing–she banged up these helpful flyers around nearby Lawrence, Kansas. Finally, she stopped by Christ Church Anglican of Overland Park to address the church’s shittiness.
