Betsy Visits the Murder Turtle, Again

by BetsyM Comment Closed

Oh, dear. Sigh. The Kentucky Betsies visited Sen. Mitch “Murder Turtle” McConnell’s house in Louisville AGAIN and left more than a few signs for him. Why so many? We can only assume it’s because Mitch debases democracy in so many areas you can’t fit them all on one poster–from Chris Cox-sucking the blood money-jizzing death dick of the NRA, to proclaiming himself the wise Poindexter overlord of all women’s bodies as well as the beknickered Fauntleroy executioner to millions of sick and vulnerable and poor by diligently working to destroy the Affordable Care Act and Medicare.

And though there is no lawn sign for this offense, we would add to the list, proclaiming himself nebbishy supreme ruler of the country and the magical Dungeons-and-Dragons manifestation of all the country’s founders rolled into one by shitting on the Constitution and refusing to hold hearings for a two-time democratically elected president’s Supreme Court nominee. Though arguably, that’s what the “You Just Fucking Suck” sign was likely about. An “etc.” to cover the rest of the list.

Mitch McConnell has a reputation for being a “smart” legislator, but that’s mostly because people feel bad about his nerdy physical appearance and they want to say something nice. The truth is, he has demonstrated no competence or skill whatsoever at passing legislation–only a staggering capacity to destroy and obstruct the work of others.

The facts are: Mitch is a fraud. He looks like a turtle. And he is full of shit.

Which may be the reason that the small paper mache likeness of Mitch, which the Betsies also left on his lawn, was frankly kinda heavy to carry, to hear them tell it. And it smelled, we are told, like a Saint Bernard’s dingleberry encrusted ass–as though someone had perversedly saved up an entire week’s worth of their dog’s bowel movements and then spooned it into a hole in the bottom of the paper mache to create a fecal lawn piñata. That looked like a turtle. Or Mitch McConnell. As the case may be.

Or so we’re told. We weren’t there.

Had we been there we would have most certainly admonished those bad, bad Betsies.

Really!–what are we to do with them?

NRA Toady Duncan Hunter

by BetsyM Comment Closed

Fuck NRA toady Congressman Duncan Hunter of California.

Deb Fischer is an NRA Puppet

by BetsyM Comment Closed

U.S. Senator Deb Fischer has the personality of a stale low-sodium saltine and the dynamism of a lump fish on quaaludes. Her sole purpose in the Senate is to click the “yes” button every time the NRA or any other greedy racist industry asks to fuck this country. And note to lobbyists: she’s a cheap date, too–a couple of Runzas and some Miller High Life and she’s all yours.

The Only Silencer America Needs

by BetsyM Comment Closed

This country-destroying, violence-mongering, racist POS deatheater can go right ahead and shut the fuck up. And for more information on Mr. LaPierre, please do consult the facelift Betsy Riot gave his web site. www.waynelapierre.com

 

Betsy vs. Betsy

by BetsyM Comment Closed

BETSY VS. BETSY

Oligarch Betsy DeVos, Secretary of Education Dismantlement, visited Lincoln, Nebraska last week to survey how the community is caring for its young riffraff. Unable to find a suitable workhouse where the urchins could be put to a profitable task such as picking oakum or pasting labels on Amway bottles, she was forced to dismount from her carriage at one of the city’s public schools, this one with a focus on something called “science,” which Mme DeVos knows must be trampled out if we are to properly train young workers to serve God and Koch.

The Betsy Riot, feeling rather contrary to Mme DeVos’s designs to fuck up the bedrock of a healthy democracy and also not particularly caring for her awful positions on LGBTQIA youth, special needs kids, and sexual assault, stood in the blistering heat to protest the oligarch’s presence, which they suspect was timed to coincide with their oligarch governor’s efforts to establish charter schools in the state. The Betsies were joined by hundreds of other Lincoln residents who value their children and their fine schools more than kleptocracy, one of whom stopped to get a photo (shared here) with the Betsies.

Kentucky Handmaids

by BetsyM Comment Closed

Kentucky governor Matt Bevin–an aspiring forced pregnancy farmer who dreams of industrialized birthing warehouses packed with impregnated 12 year old girls who’ve been raped (an enterprise that he plans to underwrite with profits from his used coat hanger business) has gone on the official record as wanting to rid the state of any and all women’s healthcare clinics that might interfere with his woman-enslaving dream by providing the women of Kentucky with their constitutionally protected right to abortion.

Now there’s just one women’s clinic remaining in the state that provides abortions, and drooling, depraved sick fuck Matt Bevin smells victory in the air!–or maybe its just the skanky scent of blister ooze generated from excessive chode-jerking at the idea of enslaving women and owning their pussies. Who knows? Maybe he should hold his cracked, bleeding, overly-yanked pee-pee up to state inspector general Robert Silverthorn’s face and ask him what he thinks it smells like. You know–other than Bevin’s mother’s undies.

Not so fast there, you pulpy, unwashed fart muscles! EMW Women’s Clinic, Kentucky’s last abortion provider, along with Planned Parenthood and the ACLU, would like a word with you. In court. In federal fucking court. Because they’re suing your misogynistic, chode yanking-and-sniffing selves.

It seems that the state has been constantly and maliciously changing its regulatory rules for EMW in the hope of tripping it up, finding it in violation, and closing it down. Chodemeister Bevin and his prison bitch Silverthorn claim it’s all because they love women so much, they want to ensure their health is rigorously protected with nothing but the finest inefficient bullshit that bureaucracy can offer.

EMW, PP, and ACLU beg to differ.

And the Kentucky Betsies were there in Handmaid’s garb standing in silent vigil, bearing witness.

The KY Bets were last seen in their Handmaid garb this summer, at the woman-hating, fetusfetishalooza put on by the Christianity-debasing, pussy-obsessed, forced-birth fanatics Operation Save America.

Way to go, Kentucky Betsies!

Chodestock 2017

by BetsyM Comment Closed

“FOR WHEREVER 2 OR 3 JERKS GATHER IN TRUMP’S NAME, BETSY IS THERE AMONG THEM…” Betsy 08:27

McLean County, IL: Unrepentant Trumphuming fascist pieces of shit Nick Adams (Conservative t̶a̶l̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ turnip head) and Chuck Erickson (McLean County GOP) tried to have a peaceful (SO PEACEFUL) weekend of Town & Country Trumphumping, with various events taking place at Illinois State University and a picnic at GOP Board Member George Wendt’s farm – a/k/a CHODESTOCK 2017.

Well, Betsy hates fascists but fucking loves a picnic, so she decided to attend — waving her First Amendment in their doughy white faces. Here are some of the greetings Betsy prepared for them:

New Mexico’s “Koch Cain Problem”

by BetsyM Comment Closed

In May, Americans for Prosperity set up shop in New Mexico, eager to start pumping dark money into state politics after lapdog governor Susana Martinez vetoed a bill that would require fuller disclosure of campaign funding. As you already know, Betsies, Americans for Prosperity is funded by the billionaire Koch Brothers and has been instrumental to funneling massive financial resources into pushing a far-right political agenda across the country that is dead-set on fucking the entire planet.

The New Mexico chapter of Americans for Prosperity is led by Burly Cain, exactly the kind of libertarian chode you would imagine, who, when he is not trying to wedge a flaccid Ayn Rand dystopic future up the unsuspecting poop chute of his state, opposes a living wage and spends his time on such ventures as “Adwallet,” which pays poor people pennies to watch shitty advertisements, thus making them all prosperous again.

Here’s a summary of the platform position of the New Mexico Americans for Prosperity:
–Dark money is just what democracy needs
–Obamacare terrible
–Exiting Paris Climate accord great
–Taxes bad
–Minimum wage bad
–Assault rifles, for-profit Christian “education” and pipelines great

Last night Cain held a NM Americans for Prosperity event, in which he offered to “educate” the public about dark money, trickle-down economics and the brighter future they hold for New Mexico—as bright as a nuclear dawn!

So New Mexico Betsies staged a funeral procession in front of the event, protesting the state’s “Koch Cain problem.” Cain responded by calling armed security—private security, so at least he gets props for libertarian consistency!—to keep a watchful eye on these terrifying Betsies.

White-Out

by BetsyM Comment Closed

From the Iowa & Illinois Betsy Riot: The Trump administration has asked the Klansman-endorsed head of the Department of Justice to sue universities whose affirmative action admission policies result in “intentional race-based discrimination” against white people. Yes, the fucking Department of Justice is deploying its **Civil Rights Division** to undo vital racial justice work at American colleges and universities, and were directed to do so by a steaming pile of incestuous nepotistic legacy admits. According to the DoJ memo, shitty lickspittle employees are to indicate their interest in working this assignment by today, August 9.

So Betsies at the University of Iowa and Northwestern University installed these giant bottles of White-Out to mark the new Trump administration approach to higher ed.

How’s It Feel, Asshole?

by BetsyM Comment Closed

Kansas’s Attorney General Kris Kobach is an abscessed penis wrinkle who has risen to rightwing glory through his distinct blend of Islamophobia, disparagement of immigrants, and general evangelical twatbaggery. He is currently leading the charge under his Putin-owned overlords to completely fuck American democracy by requesting voter information from all 50 states under the pretense of investigating voting by illegal immigrants. Recently, Kobach published the names and addresses of citizens who had written his committee to complain about his voter suppression efforts.

Kobach is the perfect chode to lead Trump’s committee on “voter fraud,” being no stranger himself to cheating: he was recently fined by a federal court for lying to conceal the nature of documents in his possession about the National Voter Registration Act, and a couple of years ago he lied when applying for a building permit in Kansas, though the friendly officials there made the unusual decision not to penalize the attorney general.

Like most lying sacks of fascist excreta who avoid the law in their own lives while trying to jackboot women and people of color, Kobach gets his “moral” support from a hate megachurch in Overland Park that dresses up oppressive public policy as the revealed will of Jesus. Christ Church Anglican is part of the Anglican Mission of the Americas, which, among other predictable horseshit, aligns itself with the movement in Africa to persecute gay people.

So some betsies left a greeting card at Kobach’s rural property, then–in a rare exception to Betsy’s policy of not doxxing–she banged up these helpful flyers around nearby Lawrence, Kansas. Finally, she stopped by Christ Church Anglican of Overland Park to address the church’s shittiness.