That feeling when United States Senator Ben Sasse is so upset that women in his state call him out for the woman-hating, gunlicking fake conscientious asshole that he is that he runs to his mama for protection.
Nebraska Attorney General Doug Peterson has written a letter supporting the continued detention and refusal of medical services to an immigrant girl in Texas. Peterson believes two things: 1) a teenage girl detained by ICE in Texas should be forced to give birth against her wishes, and 2) his opinion as AG of a different state has fuckall to do with this. Betsies wondered what kind of creepy fuck sticks his nose into the private parts of a captive teenage girl and put up some signage in his neighborhood. Of course he and his neighbors find the flyers scandalous, not his use of his authority to try to influence another state to forcibly breed a minor.
Crete, Nebraska decided several years ago that it could go the way of so many middle-American small towns and slowly die, or it could do the smart, humane thing and embrace the immigrants who want to live and work there and make it their home. They chose the rational option and embraced their proud history as an immigrant destination and the small town is now flourishing, with a vibrant main street. The public schools are over 40% immigrant kids, announcements over the PA system are bilingual (as is all the material coming home from school), and the guidance counselor at the high school is a proud Dreamer. It’s no wonder these signs have started popping up in town.
Oh, dear. Sigh. The Kentucky Betsies visited Sen. Mitch “Murder Turtle” McConnell’s house in Louisville AGAIN and left more than a few signs for him. Why so many? We can only assume it’s because Mitch debases democracy in so many areas you can’t fit them all on one poster–from Chris Cox-sucking the blood money-jizzing death dick of the NRA, to proclaiming himself the wise Poindexter overlord of all women’s bodies as well as the beknickered Fauntleroy executioner to millions of sick and vulnerable and poor by diligently working to destroy the Affordable Care Act and Medicare.
And though there is no lawn sign for this offense, we would add to the list, proclaiming himself nebbishy supreme ruler of the country and the magical Dungeons-and-Dragons manifestation of all the country’s founders rolled into one by shitting on the Constitution and refusing to hold hearings for a two-time democratically elected president’s Supreme Court nominee. Though arguably, that’s what the “You Just Fucking Suck” sign was likely about. An “etc.” to cover the rest of the list.
Mitch McConnell has a reputation for being a “smart” legislator, but that’s mostly because people feel bad about his nerdy physical appearance and they want to say something nice. The truth is, he has demonstrated no competence or skill whatsoever at passing legislation–only a staggering capacity to destroy and obstruct the work of others.
The facts are: Mitch is a fraud. He looks like a turtle. And he is full of shit.
Which may be the reason that the small paper mache likeness of Mitch, which the Betsies also left on his lawn, was frankly kinda heavy to carry, to hear them tell it. And it smelled, we are told, like a Saint Bernard’s dingleberry encrusted ass–as though someone had perversedly saved up an entire week’s worth of their dog’s bowel movements and then spooned it into a hole in the bottom of the paper mache to create a fecal lawn piñata. That looked like a turtle. Or Mitch McConnell. As the case may be.
Or so we’re told. We weren’t there.
Had we been there we would have most certainly admonished those bad, bad Betsies.
Really!–what are we to do with them?
Fuck NRA toady Congressman Duncan Hunter of California.
Republican U.S. Representative Peter Roskam of Illinois’s 6th District is a douche with an A rating from the NRA (whilst simultaneously claiming to be “pro life,” lulz) even as the biggest city in his state–which is powerless to pass its own gun regulations, not that it matters when the city is right next to blood-red Indiana–suffers an epidemic of gun deaths. Roskam is content to throw his fellow Illinoisans into the jaws of America’s morally depraved firearm industry, so Illinois Betsies left a calling card in his yard to alert his neighborhood to the fact that they live next to a piece of shit. We have a sexual predator registry. It’s time for a gun industry predator registry.
Republican Congressman Don Bacon of Nebraska’s 2nd District is an NRAsswipe, and last night Betsy Riot popped by to tell him so. Here we have tastefully pixelated an artistic chode sketch because while you can use Facebook to plan your Nazi rallies and sell guns, if you show a cartoon dick you’ll get booted off. Unfortunately, Don Bacon IS a cartoon dick, so it makes our jobs just a little harder… like Don Bacon gets when Wayne LaPierre calls.
U.S. Senator Deb Fischer has the personality of a stale low-sodium saltine and the dynamism of a lump fish on quaaludes. Her sole purpose in the Senate is to click the “yes” button every time the NRA or any other greedy racist industry asks to fuck this country. And note to lobbyists: she’s a cheap date, too–a couple of Runzas and some Miller High Life and she’s all yours.