Nolite Te Bastardes Carborundorum

Today Nebraska’s Governor Pete Deatheater Ricketts signed into law a bill that will help women with dense breast tissue be accurately diagnosed if they have breast cancer. Sounds great, right? It is. Except meanwhile the piece of shit governor is trying to close clinics that serve poor women and children in order to give his wealthy friends tax cuts. So Betsy dressed as handmaids from Margaret Atwood’s Handmaid’s Tale and haunted his press conference. Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.

A Weekend of Mantears

In Atlanta this weekend, the National Rifle Association will be holding its annual jizz-fest of blood merchants and their frightened, gullible gunlicker consumer base. There, within a convention hall-cum-armory, they will spew anti-American, anti-democracy hate while bizarrely telling themselves they are being patriots, after which they will fritter away their children’s lunch money and/or college fund (depending on their eraser-smudged SAT scores) for death-oriented, but apparently dick-hardening merchandise while outside in the real world, all across America, thousands of lives will be continue to be lost because of an immoral, out-of-control, shittily-regulated, democracy-hating war industry championed by the NRAssholes.

Sounds fun! We think we’ll join in!

Betsy Riot, a nonviolent, but modestly rude and profane organization, will be flying an airplane banner above this craven convention of timorous cretins while also circling them with a mobile billboard promoting the fairly dry fact that they are not “good guys with guns” but “frightened boys with a gun fetish.” We cheekily call it our “ground and air” assault. Because Betsy is nothing if she isn’t cheeky.

To the whiny, gunlicker demographic, this constitutes a violent threat. But what can you expect from people who consider honking a horn in traffic or playing rap music too loud or eating skittle while being black or dancing while being gay or throwing popcorn in a movie theater to be life-threatening? What can you expect from nitwits who are so terrified of life that they need to carry slaughter sticks everywhere they go, including whenever they have a hankering to buy cookies?

We need to remember to bring our umbrellas. The forecast calls for a mantear downpour.

#NRAAM2017 #BetsyRiot #NRA #FuckTheNRA

Good Friday Bible Quiz

A Nebraska Betsy celebrated Good Friday by reminding the parishioners of a rightwing church that their death-penalty-pushing governor, Pete Ricketts, is an insult to the teachings of their savior. While the congregation reflected on the suffering and death of Jesus, their governor had illegally imported execution drugs and personally bankrolled a ballot initiative to get the death penalty back in the state.

Betsy Goes to the Zoo

Nebraska’s deatheater governor Pete Ricketts, who has never met a pipeline or lethal injection he didn’t like nor a public resource he does not want to fuck back into the middle ages, was bafflingly invited to speak at a ceremony for a children’s zoo today. So some Nebraska Betsies decorated a couple hundred chairs at the venue for the occasion.

Betsy’s Bible Quiz

Parishioners at fascist-enabling churches in U.S. Rep. Steve KKKing’s congressional district in Iowa were reminded via a bible quiz on windshields, doors, and signs that their theology might make them feel like God’s chosen people but it is actually a steaming load of white supremacist horseshit.

Steve King = National Disgrace

Last week, rancid crotch cheese and self-proclaimed “champion for Western civilization,” Iowa Congressman Steve King, made news when, in the context of praising Dutch white supremacist candidate Geert Wilders, he tweeted: “We can’t restore our civilization with someone else’s babies.”

Though KKKing’s tweet shocked many across the nation, it shocked not at all the Iowa Betsies, who have been enduring this kind of racist filth since King was first elected. By their estimation, this had to have been the 1 million-gazillionth-fucktillionth racist discharge to be issued by the badly infected, suppurating buttock chancre that is King’s mouth.

Which, once they thought about it, was a milestone that the Iowa Betsies felt should be recognized. So off they went to Steve King’s hometown of Kiron, cutting a riotous swath of Fuckyouness across the Hawkeye State.

They tacked on a “truth in advertising” addendum to Kiron’s town sign. They declared King’s home a “National Disgrace Site” with a helpful directional sign pointing the way for tourists. And they planted an historic marker on Rep. King’s actual front lawn. …Just in time to swing by his church in Odebolt where they left a helpful reminder to his church’s Nazi-enabling parishioners that fascism, white supremacy, and gun idolatry make the Middle Eastern refugee they claim to worship very very sad.

And then it was home for milk and cookies. And the satisfaction of shit well fucked-up.

Here’s to you, Iowa Betsies! You make the heartland proud!