White-Out

by BetsyM Comment Closed

From the Iowa & Illinois Betsy Riot: The Trump administration has asked the Klansman-endorsed head of the Department of Justice to sue universities whose affirmative action admission policies result in “intentional race-based discrimination” against white people. Yes, the fucking Department of Justice is deploying its **Civil Rights Division** to undo vital racial justice work at American colleges and universities, and were directed to do so by a steaming pile of incestuous nepotistic legacy admits. According to the DoJ memo, shitty lickspittle employees are to indicate their interest in working this assignment by today, August 9.

So Betsies at the University of Iowa and Northwestern University installed these giant bottles of White-Out to mark the new Trump administration approach to higher ed.

www.waynelapierre.com

by BetsyM Comment Closed

Attention, Betsies.

America’s murder lobby a/k/a the NRA has a new video, in which Death Barbie Dana says that the NRA–we shit thee not– is “coming for” the New York Times. (No links to that shit from here. Google it and turn your volume up to 11 to hear it over the mobs of fapping Duck Dynasty extras that comprise her fan base.) It seems that Wayne LaPierre and crew are not at all happy that the New York Times is hurting the fragile fee-fees of the President they wasted $30million to get elected.

In these polarizing times, we at Betsy Central are angry about fake news, too. So let’s get right to it–for too long the media has sanitized the facts about Wayne LaPierre and his historic success at building the American murder industry. That’s why, when Mr. LaPierre let his domain registration lapse, the Betsy Riot acquired www.waynelapierre.com to right the record. Please check it out and be sure to admire the portfolio of his work.

Ted Nugent – Canceled

by BetsyM Comment Closed

**BREAKING**

Check out what just came down the pike.

Do you remember Ted Nugent? He is a has-been “musician” turned NRA board member who has tried to maintain his fame by stoking gunlicking, white nationalist cocksplats into a war against liberals and people of color. He himself avoided actual war by literally shitting his pants to get out of it, then rose to musical s̶t̶a̶r̶d̶o̶m̶ half-chub through such hits as “Jailbait,” about his interest in raping a 13-year-old girl. This peach was recently invited to the White House, where he left a trail of Slim Jim grease and pre-ejaculate all over the golden drapery of the Oval Office.

Well, Ron Onesti, owner of Arcada Theater in St. Charles outside of Chicago, decided to invite this misogynist white supremacist living shart to give a concert there tonight, but was sufficiently aware that Spugent would be received poorly by the city that he didn’t even hang up a single poster to advertise. Imagine Illinois Betsy’s surprise when she strolled by this morning to discover a large handmade CANCELED banner hung on the theater, a rather surprising letter from the Spuge himself on the theater window, an apology taped on the door of nearby businesses, and even a sign decrying the fucker in the front lawn of the theater owner.

“Thanks for the Sepsis”

by BetsyM Comment Closed

So what does Louisville, KY, Betsy do to unwind after a long day spent telling hayseed neo-nazis to go fuck their moms? Why, she swings by the home of her old friend and recovering high school swirly victim Sen. Mitch “Murder Turtle” McConnell, and she drops off a “Thanks For The Sepsis” banner on his front doorstep in tribute to his incompetently executed and ultimately failed campaign to destroy healthcare for millions of vulnerable Americans–with a little career advice for the Yertle manqué tossed in for good measure.

Murder Turtle

by BetsyM Comment Closed

Kentucky Betsies delivered some calling cards to the porch of their homicidal senator (see our post from last night) and inspired us to make this helpful reference guide for suggested new fauna names. Share with your friends to get the word out.

GOP = Fucking Nauseating Shithouse

by BetsyM Comment Closed

Today something appalling happened–it has been all over the news and has shaken some people to their very core, threatening the country as they thought they knew it.

No, not the Senate taking healthcare from millions or the president using trans people as a pawn in his idiotic political theater. Rather, it seems that two Albuquerque Betsies splattered a red energy drink on a Republican Party office sign after standing outside with words on posterboard. The simpering taints at the office strapped on their thunder shirts until they felt safe, then called the police to investigate the “spray paint” that they videotaped themselves wiping off with a sponge.

We at Betsy Central were contacted by the Associated Press about this tragedy, and here is our statement:

“Betsy Riot is an anonymous, decentralized, nonviolent, grassroots feminist organization. We were not informed ahead of time about this action by Albuquerque Betsies and were only made aware when the Otero County Republican Party went public with their outrage. We immediately launched an internal investigation of the circumstances surrounding the event, which included an emergency meeting of our leadership council, interviews with relevant parties and a comprehensive re-examination of our membership vetting process. White papers were produced, as well as PowerPoint presentations. The whole process took fifteen minutes.

Our findings were that the masked ‘violent’ radical extremists were actually two women in tee shirts holding signs. The ‘spray paint’ was actually an energy drink. The “A” stood for ‘Assholes,’ which is what the GOP are. And the only thing that was obstructed at the building’s entrance was the already low chance the assholes within the building had of getting laid.

In their interviews with Betsy Riot leadership, the Albuquerque Betsies noted that the Republican Party has become a fucking nauseating shithouse full of misogynists, racists, homophobes, gunlickers, and general moral rot that is attempting at this moment to kill countless Americans as well as destroying our democratic institutions and the very fucking least a decent human being ought to be doing is calling these morally diseased chodes for what they are on a regular basis.

The Albuquerque Betsies further pointed out only an ethically defunct shit-for-brains like a Republican Party official would waste police resources on mean words and a sugary drink and call such a protest ‘violent’ even as the literal human excreta they elected to Congress are attempting to kill people. The Albuquerque Betsies align themselves with similar recent protests by the Betsy Riot in Kentucky, Virginia, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, and even the Isle of Man, all places where local officials are making it a priority to fuck over women, people of color, the poor, the vulnerable, or our entire planet, and where they will continue to face opposition by the growing numbers of the Betsy Riot.

We were satisfied with these answers and consider the case closed.

–xoxo Betsy Riot”

US News & World Report: https://www.usnews.com/…/2-protesters-accused-of-vandalizin…

The Santa Fe New Mexican: http://www.santafenewmexican.com/…/article_91d76fb4-e371-5f…

Raw footage of the devastating cleanup operations: https://www.facebook.com/newmexicogop/videos/10155980218396874/

How’s It Feel, Asshole?

by BetsyM Comment Closed

Kansas’s Attorney General Kris Kobach is an abscessed penis wrinkle who has risen to rightwing glory through his distinct blend of Islamophobia, disparagement of immigrants, and general evangelical twatbaggery. He is currently leading the charge under his Putin-owned overlords to completely fuck American democracy by requesting voter information from all 50 states under the pretense of investigating voting by illegal immigrants. Recently, Kobach published the names and addresses of citizens who had written his committee to complain about his voter suppression efforts.

Kobach is the perfect chode to lead Trump’s committee on “voter fraud,” being no stranger himself to cheating: he was recently fined by a federal court for lying to conceal the nature of documents in his possession about the National Voter Registration Act, and a couple of years ago he lied when applying for a building permit in Kansas, though the friendly officials there made the unusual decision not to penalize the attorney general.

Like most lying sacks of fascist excreta who avoid the law in their own lives while trying to jackboot women and people of color, Kobach gets his “moral” support from a hate megachurch in Overland Park that dresses up oppressive public policy as the revealed will of Jesus. Christ Church Anglican is part of the Anglican Mission of the Americas, which, among other predictable horseshit, aligns itself with the movement in Africa to persecute gay people.

So some betsies left a greeting card at Kobach’s rural property, then–in a rare exception to Betsy’s policy of not doxxing–she banged up these helpful flyers around nearby Lawrence, Kansas. Finally, she stopped by Christ Church Anglican of Overland Park to address the church’s shittiness.

A Betsy in the Senate?

by BetsyM Comment Closed

Spotted in the Russell Senate Building, Washington, DC. Seems like someone there is a Betsy.

Run For Your Lives!

by BetsyM Comment Closed

The Senate’s Fuck America Healthcare Bill is dead, at least until our “leaders” cook up another grotesque way to feast on the pain and suffering of Americans. Nebraska Betsy wanted to remind Senator Deb Fischer’s constituents that if they manage to keep their healthcare it’s no thanks to the gruesome appetites of Senator Fischer, who has never met a non-millionaire constituent whose blood she doesn’t want to suck into her ghastly gullet. Betsy dropped this banner over a popular jogging path.

Betsy in the Windy City

by BetsyM Comment Closed

After pushing school-to-prison pipeline policies, defunding education, yanking anti-poverty measures, pathologically fixating on the canard of the “welfare queen,” obliterating all corporate responsibility from gun manufacturing and selling, spreading guns everywhere, and removing the city’s rights to pass their own gun regulations, there is nothing the American white wing loves to do more than hold mutual masturbation sessions about CHICAGO, wanking each others’ sad wrinkled chodes over the misfortunes of a city they hate because it’s liberal, largely black, and racked by gun violence, never acknowledging the much higher per capita gun murder rates of other American cities or their own deatheating corporate whore party’s contributions to what problems do exist in the City of the Big Shoulders.

No, Wayne Lapierre told them that it’s all about liberals, black people, and gun control, and that’s enough for these lead-addled barrel-fellators to turn Chicago into their favorite punching bag. And now they have elected the NRA’s favorite sack of putrid farts as president, who is obliquely threatening to send in “the feds” to clamp down on the city…because martial law is so small government.

So Chicago Betsy took to the streets to tell the fascist gunfuck in the White House to fuck off.