Betsy Goes Thrifting

by BetsyM Comment Closed

Wisconsin Betsy was having her carpet cleaned back at her apartment, and so with time on her hands, she ambled down to her local thrift store to while away the hours. There, something caused her to suddenly remember that tomorrow night, prime time TV’s Megyn Kelly was providing a national forum to–and thereby facilitating the normalization of–gunlicking psychopathic Sandy Hook hoaxer, deadbeat dad, racist, misogynist, fascist Apoplexy Foundation poster child, Trump advisor and human fecal implant Alex Jones.

Unfortunately–or fortunately, depending on your viewpoint–Betsy then discovered to her great surprise that she had a Sharpie in her hand!

And then she encountered Ducky Dynasty and Call of Duty tee shirts, and claptrap not just by Megan Kelly, but by Palin, Huckabee, and some ambiguously encrusted douche nozzle libertarian dude.

A word to promoters of Duck Dynasty swag: in the future, try not to design tee shirts that look like comic strip panels.

Ruin A Fascist’s Day

by BetsyM Comment Closed

How to Be a Betsy: Ruin a Fascist’s Day

Today when Nebraska Governor Pete Deatheater Ricketts showed up for lunch at a restaurant, a fellow diner and Betsy fan asked herself “What would Betsy do?” then sent us this recording of her glorious takedown of Dimestore Lex Luthor.

This is The Betsy Way: may no polite fascist find solace or succor while fucking over the poor, the sick, the elderly, the downtrodden, the young, the planet. Evil thrives on etiquette and depends on polite society allowing it to fester in the office next door or the restaurant booth across the aisle. Betsy says: not on my watch, motherfucker.

Be a Betsy.

https://www.facebook.com/betsyriot/videos/1862164617443667/

 

 

Chinga Tu Madre!

by BetsyM Comment Closed

N ew Mexico governor Susana Martinez is a transphobic, homophobic, pro-woman enslaving, domestic abuse-loving, public education-destroying, public healthcare-denying, Texas oil money shill and fierce–if badly slurring– drunken pizza party advocate (Google her name, “pizza,” and “911” for a few laughs) whose legendary ineptitude, jaw-dropping pettiness, outrageous nepotism, and Kill-Gut-Then-Eat-the-Poor-From-Your-Privileged-Diamond-Encrusted-Dinner-Table fiscal beliefs have earned New Mexico the title of “Worst-Run State” for two consecutive years running. This shitstain Trumpite enriches herself and rewards her wealthy unqualified cronies and donors with state appointments, while gratuitously and cruelly denying even the simplest of human dignities to the vulnerable in what is historically a poor state.

And so the New Mexico Betsy Rioters decided to pay a night visit to their State Capitol in Sante Fe–aka “the Roundhouse”–and leave a special message for their corrupt, hateful and incompetent governor, complete with pizza-shape exclamation points and helpful suggestions on how to spend quality time with her mom.

(BTW, the “tejana” nickname is apparently a regional monicker in New Mexico emphasizing Martinez’s outsider Texas origins and her lack of commitment to New Mexico as anything other than a shitting place for her and her poor people-belching Texas oil buddies.)

Ricketts and his Fascist Snowflake Friends

by BetsyM Comment Closed

Nebraska Governor Pete Deatheater Ricketts publicly announced his re-election campaign to an audience of fawning toadies. Betsy was on hand to point out to attendees that Ricketts, who uses his personal fortune to buy legislative seats and fund ballot initiatives to work around the legislature, just preserved his own tax cuts by slashing services to children, the sick, and the elderly. Fuck him, they said.

Ricketts’s retinue of fascist snowflakes responded by calling the police on Betsy Riot because the signs made them feel unsafe. One C-grade would-be Nazi began haranguing a Betsy whilst he chomped on his celebratory cake, which was almost certainly baked from an off-brand mix by one of the sister wives inside and more likely than not had excessive, cloying frosting. When Betsy said, “Go choke on your cake,” the poor thing wailed out that Betsy had issued him a death threat. Lincoln Police were unmoved.

Later, an albino chode exited the building with his kids, and paused to tell the Betsies that he did not approve of them and held up his middle finger in their general direction. A Betsy told him to go fuck himself, and the fragile lad ran home to Twitter, where he claimed that Betsy had verbally attacked his children. A local radio personality–we use the term “personality” loosely–who had also once had his feewings hurt by Betsy Riot invited the victim on his show, where the two puddles commiserated about how things have just truly gone to hell when you can’t hold a nice sausage wank for a predatory fascist anymore without mean ladies fucking up your day.