Drowning in fascism? Betsy’s your lifeline.
Betsy Goes to the Ballgame
The NCAA World’s Series of Men’s College Baseball is an annual event at the TD Ameritrade Center in Omaha. Two of the teams this year were LSU and Florida. Betsy was there.
Because both Louisiana and Florida have such stellar records in NRA-crafted gun laws that literally encourage gun violence (results don’t lie!); and because Rep. Steve Scalise, the badly injured Congressional baseball practice gunshot victim, has such a robust history of shilling for the NRA–the Nebraska betsies decided the NCAA World Series of Men’s College Baseball might be a good venue to offer helpful reminders about the way the NRA has fucked up our most beloved national pastime.
No, no–we don’t mean baseball. We mean breathing.
(PS: a female police officer showed up and questioned the Nebraska 
betsies. “We’re national, non-violence, punk patriots and neo-suffragettes! You can find us online!” the betsies told her. “Cool!” said the officer. And then she took a group photo for them.)
Lungo Live Betsy!
Betsy in Italy, spreading the gospel. Including Vatican City.
Betsy Goes to Church
Never say that San Diego, California, Betsy isn’t spiritual. She went to church this weekend.
San Diego’s “City View” is a money-grubbing Hate-and-Homophobia Glory Hole posing as a Christian megachurch led by a jizz-drooling, repressed fuck face named Pastor Troy. Pastor Troy and his septic tank of faith decided to host a hate-mongering torture symposium that mocked the teachings of Christ and reveled in the various ways that you can make money tormenting young LGBTQ people who are struggling with their identities by telling them they are abnormal and unwanted by nature and should hate themselves, give money to a megachurch in thanks for that info, and maybe even become a sideshow attraction in the lucrative conversion therapy circus.
“Conversion therapy” is a hateful criminal enterprise that has been outlawed in California. But no one ever said you couldn’t still make money promoting the ideas behind it. And that’s what Pastor Troy and City View decided to do.
So San Diego Betsy decided to march down there, join the larger protest, and give those hate-worshipping charlatans and Christ mockers a piece of her fucking mind.
Hey, kids! It’s time for a singalong! Sung to the tune of Yankee Doodle Dandy! Ready?!
A one, and a two, and a–
https://www.facebook.com/betsyriot/videos/1863563833970412/
Ruin A Fascist’s Day
How to Be a Betsy: Ruin a Fascist’s Day
Today when Nebraska Governor Pete Deatheater Ricketts showed up for lunch at a restaurant, a fellow diner and Betsy fan asked herself “What would Betsy do?” then sent us this recording of her glorious takedown of Dimestore Lex Luthor.
This is The Betsy Way: may no polite fascist find solace or succor while fucking over the poor, the sick, the elderly, the downtrodden, the young, the planet. Evil thrives on etiquette and depends on polite society allowing it to fester in the office next door or the restaurant booth across the aisle. Betsy says: not on my watch, motherfucker.
Be a Betsy.
https://www.facebook.com/betsyriot/videos/1862164617443667/
We Tried to Warn You
OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM BETSY RIOT
ON THE RECENT TRAGEDY AT THE FASCIST
GUNSTITUTIONAL GOP/NRA DEATHWHORE/
PIECES OF SHIT BASEBALL PRACTICE:
“Violence is never the answer. Our thoughts and
prayers go out to your sorry fucking asses.
Just kidding. You’re assholes.
Now here’s a photo of some Betsies treading on the
piss-colored symbol of the hateful anti-government
dogma you spew to gunlickers.”
xoxo Betsy Riot
PS: No, but seriously–violence is never the answer.
PPS: Telling you to go fuck yourself is.
PPPS: Getting shot hurts and is a bummer, we know.
PPPPS: It’s what we’ve been trying to tell you fucking douchebags.
Extra! Extra! Read All About It!
Minnesota Betsy fine-tunes the message in her ongoing newspaper dispenser augmentation campaign.
Chinga Tu Madre!
N
ew Mexico governor Susana Martinez is a transphobic, homophobic, pro-woman enslaving, domestic abuse-loving, public education-destroying, public healthcare-denying, Texas oil money shill and fierce–if badly slurring– drunken pizza party advocate (Google her name, “pizza,” and “911” for a few laughs) whose legendary ineptitude, jaw-dropping pettiness, outrageous nepotism, and Kill-Gut-Then-Eat-the-Poor-From-Your-Privileged-Diamond-Encrusted-Dinner-Table fiscal beliefs have earned New Mexico the title of “Worst-Run State” for two consecutive years running. This shitstain Trumpite enriches herself and rewards her wealthy unqualified cronies and donors with state appointments, while gratuitously and cruelly denying even the simplest of human dignities to the vulnerable in what is historically a poor state.
And so the New Mexico Betsy Rioters decided to pay a night visit to their State Capitol in Sante Fe–aka “the Roundhouse”–and leave a special message for their corrupt, hateful and incompetent governor, complete with pizza-shape exclamation points and helpful suggestions on how to spend quality time with her mom.
(BTW, the “tejana” nickname is apparently a regional monicker in New Mexico emphasizing Martinez’s outsider Texas origins and her lack of commitment to New Mexico as anything other than a shitting place for her and her poor people-belching Texas oil buddies.)
Ricketts and his Fascist Snowflake Friends
Nebraska Governor Pete Deatheater Ricketts publicly announced his re-election campaign to an audience of fawning toadies. Betsy was on hand to point out to attendees that Ricketts, who uses his personal fortune to buy legislative seats and fund ballot initiatives to work around the legislature, just preserved his own tax cuts by slashing services to children, the sick, and the elderly. Fuck him, they said.
Ricketts’s retinue of fascist snowflakes responded by calling the police on Betsy Riot because the signs made them feel unsafe. One C-grade would-be Nazi began haranguing a Betsy whilst he chomped on his celebratory cake, which was almost certainly baked from an off-brand mix by one of the sister wives inside and more likely than not had excessive, cloying frosting. When Betsy said, “Go choke on your cake,” the poor thing wailed out that Betsy had issued him a death threat. Lincoln Police were unmoved.
Later, an albino chode exited the building with his kids, and paused to tell the Betsies that he did not approve of them and held up his middle finger in their general direction. A Betsy told him to go fuck himself, and the fragile lad ran home to Twitter, where he claimed that Betsy had verbally attacked his children. A local radio personality–we use the term “personality” loosely–who had also once had his feewings hurt by Betsy Riot invited the victim on his show, where the two puddles commiserated about how things have just truly gone to hell when you can’t hold a nice sausage wank for a predatory fascist anymore without mean ladies fucking up your day.
