Betsy Visits Orange City, Iowa

You know what Iowa Betsies have officially fucking had it with? U.S. Rep. Steve KKKing, the long-serving white supremacist miscreant representing both the 4th District of Iowa and the Shittiest Recesses of the Human Brain.

This weekend, Orange City, Iowa, is hosting its famous Tulip Festival, in which the residents who voted over 80% for Steve KKKing put on a pretty show of Dutch heritage and pretend to be decent human beings and not white-supremacy-enabling wads as they invite you to spend your tourist dollars in their town. One part of their annual celebration: inviting the esteemed KKKing, who presumably explains why “other people’s babies” are not fit to “rebuild civilization” but are totally welcome to enrich his district.

So Iowa Betsies headed over to place some truthful advertising around the town. Our favorite: “Fuck Your Racist Tulips.”

Betsy Goes to Murder Prom

Every year hundreds of gunlicking death fetishists come together (pun intended) at the San Diego Gun Owners 2nd Amendment Celebration at San Diego’s Hotel del Coronado. We imagine the patriots in attendance have an unspoken “what happens at the San Diego Gun Owners 2nd Amendment Celebration stays at the San Diego Gun Owners 2nd Amendment Celebration” agreement with their mildewed blow-up dolls, resulting in a weekend of orgiastic ecstasy as they fondle OPP (Other Patriots’ Pistols) and slobber over products designed to help them kill people. The gallery hall is full of This grotesque jizzfest of toxic masculinity and homicide worship that it is known locally as MURDER PROM.

San Diego Betsy was not invited to Murder Prom, but that didn’t stop her from dropping by.

Fuck the NRA

Kansas Betsies baked a special cake to commemorate the wholesale selling of their state to the murder lobby by Gov. Sam “Bloody Hands” Brownback and the simpering, gutless higher ed administrators who cravenly decreed that the permitless carry of guns will now be allowed at all colleges and universities starting this summer.

Betsy Goes to Murder-Con

In late April of 2017, a pussy-grabbing fascist megalomaniac traveled to Atlanta, Georgia, to speak to the brownshirts at the NRA Annual Meeting, that organization having gotten the piece of shit elected leader of the Free World™ (with a little help from their mutual friends in Moscow) and finally calling in a little reacharound.

Hundreds of shartsnuffling chodes wandered the grounds in their NRA lanyards, wrists sore from all the barrel-stroking, when what to their douchey besunglassed eyes did appear but Betsy buzzing from far and from near.

This is her story–set to “The March of the Women,” a 1910 suffragette anthem by Ethel Smyth and Cicely Hamilton.

It’s a Bird! It’s a plane! It’s Betsy Riot!

betsy

noun

/fək’ thē in’ är ā/

plural: betsies, betsys, a riot of betsies

1. an unapologetic feminist patriot who has fucking had enough of Trump culture and gun culture and the death and terror they inflict on America

2. a nonviolent act of civil disobedience against fascism, Trump, or gun culture

verb

past tense: betsied

to prank, lambaste, and generally fuck up whitewing gunlicking bullshit

“That riot of betsies betsied the shit out of the gun show.”

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