Ted Nugent – Canceled

**BREAKING**

Check out what just came down the pike.

Do you remember Ted Nugent? He is a has-been “musician” turned NRA board member who has tried to maintain his fame by stoking gunlicking, white nationalist cocksplats into a war against liberals and people of color. He himself avoided actual war by literally shitting his pants to get out of it, then rose to musical s̶t̶a̶r̶d̶o̶m̶ half-chub through such hits as “Jailbait,” about his interest in raping a 13-year-old girl. This peach was recently invited to the White House, where he left a trail of Slim Jim grease and pre-ejaculate all over the golden drapery of the Oval Office.

Well, Ron Onesti, owner of Arcada Theater in St. Charles outside of Chicago, decided to invite this misogynist white supremacist living shart to give a concert there tonight, but was sufficiently aware that Spugent would be received poorly by the city that he didn’t even hang up a single poster to advertise. Imagine Illinois Betsy’s surprise when she strolled by this morning to discover a large handmade CANCELED banner hung on the theater, a rather surprising letter from the Spuge himself on the theater window, an apology taped on the door of nearby businesses, and even a sign decrying the fucker in the front lawn of the theater owner.

“Thanks for the Sepsis”

So what does Louisville, KY, Betsy do to unwind after a long day spent telling hayseed neo-nazis to go fuck their moms? Why, she swings by the home of her old friend and recovering high school swirly victim Sen. Mitch “Murder Turtle” McConnell, and she drops off a “Thanks For The Sepsis” banner on his front doorstep in tribute to his incompetently executed and ultimately failed campaign to destroy healthcare for millions of vulnerable Americans–with a little career advice for the Yertle manqué tossed in for good measure.

Murder Turtle

Kentucky Betsies delivered some calling cards to the porch of their homicidal senator (see our post from last night) and inspired us to make this helpful reference guide for suggested new fauna names. Share with your friends to get the word out.

GOP = Fucking Nauseating Shithouse

Today something appalling happened–it has been all over the news and has shaken some people to their very core, threatening the country as they thought they knew it.

No, not the Senate taking healthcare from millions or the president using trans people as a pawn in his idiotic political theater. Rather, it seems that two Albuquerque Betsies splattered a red energy drink on a Republican Party office sign after standing outside with words on posterboard. The simpering taints at the office strapped on their thunder shirts until they felt safe, then called the police to investigate the “spray paint” that they videotaped themselves wiping off with a sponge.

We at Betsy Central were contacted by the Associated Press about this tragedy, and here is our statement:

“Betsy Riot is an anonymous, decentralized, nonviolent, grassroots feminist organization. We were not informed ahead of time about this action by Albuquerque Betsies and were only made aware when the Otero County Republican Party went public with their outrage. We immediately launched an internal investigation of the circumstances surrounding the event, which included an emergency meeting of our leadership council, interviews with relevant parties and a comprehensive re-examination of our membership vetting process. White papers were produced, as well as PowerPoint presentations. The whole process took fifteen minutes.

Our findings were that the masked ‘violent’ radical extremists were actually two women in tee shirts holding signs. The ‘spray paint’ was actually an energy drink. The “A” stood for ‘Assholes,’ which is what the GOP are. And the only thing that was obstructed at the building’s entrance was the already low chance the assholes within the building had of getting laid.

In their interviews with Betsy Riot leadership, the Albuquerque Betsies noted that the Republican Party has become a fucking nauseating shithouse full of misogynists, racists, homophobes, gunlickers, and general moral rot that is attempting at this moment to kill countless Americans as well as destroying our democratic institutions and the very fucking least a decent human being ought to be doing is calling these morally diseased chodes for what they are on a regular basis.

The Albuquerque Betsies further pointed out only an ethically defunct shit-for-brains like a Republican Party official would waste police resources on mean words and a sugary drink and call such a protest ‘violent’ even as the literal human excreta they elected to Congress are attempting to kill people. The Albuquerque Betsies align themselves with similar recent protests by the Betsy Riot in Kentucky, Virginia, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, and even the Isle of Man, all places where local officials are making it a priority to fuck over women, people of color, the poor, the vulnerable, or our entire planet, and where they will continue to face opposition by the growing numbers of the Betsy Riot.

We were satisfied with these answers and consider the case closed.

–xoxo Betsy Riot”

US News & World Report: https://www.usnews.com/…/2-protesters-accused-of-vandalizin…

The Santa Fe New Mexican: http://www.santafenewmexican.com/…/article_91d76fb4-e371-5f…

Raw footage of the devastating cleanup operations: https://www.facebook.com/newmexicogop/videos/10155980218396874/

Oh, hell the fuck no

Kentucky has exactly one remaining abortion clinic. If you own a uterus and live in Kentucky and your boyfriend slips you a roofie or your uncle rapes you or your 20-week ultrasound shows an anencephalic fetus or you just fucking want to not give birth, your choices if Louisville’s EMW Women’s Surgical Center closes will be:

–Shake out your couch cushions for hundreds of dollars in loose change, then steal away from your oppressive family to drive hundreds of miles in the car you may not have to the nearest clinic in another state.

–Gestate the baby and go through hours of painful and expensive labor anyway, none of which will be covered by medical insurance when the GOP takes it away.

–Take a trip to Hobby Lobby for some knitting needles and hope the housekeeping staff at the Motel 6 doesn’t have to phone-in your bled-out body the next day.

Meanwhile, the “pro-life” Gilead Officers Party (GOP) wants you to have no education about how your body works, no affordable birth control, no maternal leave, and no help with food or childcare after you give birth.

Into this context steps Operation Save America, led by a twatnugget named Rusty Thomas, which is probably also what he nicknamed the blotchy dick he wags in front of the long-suffering woman he uses as breeding stock at home, together with whom he runs–and we shit thee not, dear betsies–“Thomas Nation’s University of Righteousness,” a.k.a. his own private child brainwashing compound in his home in Waco, Texas.

Thomas and OSA want to shut down that clinic because, you know, they care so much for babies and shit.

Seriously, these chodestumps have launched a full-on, weeks-long fetalpalooza in downtown Louisville, caravanning their quiverfuls of sisterwives and progeny to try to shut down the clinic, forcing Homeland Security to create a buffer zone and generally turning the entire area into an open-air Zyogote Temple.

So Kentucky Betsies said, “Oh, hell the fuck no” and put on the red veil to counterprotest these wipes.

NO KKK
NO OSA
NO NEO-NAZI USA

How’s It Feel, Asshole?

Kansas’s Attorney General Kris Kobach is an abscessed penis wrinkle who has risen to rightwing glory through his distinct blend of Islamophobia, disparagement of immigrants, and general evangelical twatbaggery. He is currently leading the charge under his Putin-owned overlords to completely fuck American democracy by requesting voter information from all 50 states under the pretense of investigating voting by illegal immigrants. Recently, Kobach published the names and addresses of citizens who had written his committee to complain about his voter suppression efforts.

Kobach is the perfect chode to lead Trump’s committee on “voter fraud,” being no stranger himself to cheating: he was recently fined by a federal court for lying to conceal the nature of documents in his possession about the National Voter Registration Act, and a couple of years ago he lied when applying for a building permit in Kansas, though the friendly officials there made the unusual decision not to penalize the attorney general.

Like most lying sacks of fascist excreta who avoid the law in their own lives while trying to jackboot women and people of color, Kobach gets his “moral” support from a hate megachurch in Overland Park that dresses up oppressive public policy as the revealed will of Jesus. Christ Church Anglican is part of the Anglican Mission of the Americas, which, among other predictable horseshit, aligns itself with the movement in Africa to persecute gay people.

So some betsies left a greeting card at Kobach’s rural property, then–in a rare exception to Betsy’s policy of not doxxing–she banged up these helpful flyers around nearby Lawrence, Kansas. Finally, she stopped by Christ Church Anglican of Overland Park to address the church’s shittiness.

Boy Scouts or Hitlerjugend?

Earlier tonight Trump addressed the annual Boy Scouts of AmericaJamboree, where he rallied tens of thousands of uniformed adolescent boys to boo his political opponents and yell nationalist chants. So Betsies in Albuquerque, NM, Seattle, WA; Chicago, IL; La Grange, IL; Santa Fe, NM; Lincoln, NE; St. Paul, MN, San Diego, CA and Bloomington, IL left some calling cards asking the Boy Scouts exactly what in the everliving dictator-heiling fuck they think they are doing. 


Fuck Your Guns!

Five years ago a deranged fuck slaughtered twelve people and horrifically injured many others at the Century 16 theater in Aurora, Colorado. He was enabled by a parasitic gun industry and vulture lobbyists who made sure that even a fucking obvious psychopath could buy unlimited firepower and ammunition. We are marking the anniversary by distributing this freely downloadable sticker for you to print at home, for placement wherever lead-addled idiots need reminding.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/172pt4ikx55zqg6/AURORA%20DARK%20KNIGHT%20-%20Avery%205163.pdf?dl=0