Breaking News: Today the streets of Roanoke, Virginia are red with the bitter, chalk-infused man-tears of gunlicking crybabies. It seems someone named Betsy wrote the words MURDER LOBBY on a retaining wall in front of the death-eating office of the National Rifle Association. While this is a simple matter of truth in advertising, the fragile feelings of MEL WILLIAMS, who rents the space to the NRA, have been shattered. Poor Mel Williams is fine with helping out an industry that profits off of 20 first-graders mutilated in their classroom, sure. But guys, the chalk “bugs me,” he said. Mel Williams wants the full force of the law directed at g̶u̶n̶s̶u̶c̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶s̶h̶i̶t̶w̶i̶t̶s̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶ ̶c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶e̶a̶t̶h̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶u̶s̶a̶n̶d̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶A̶m̶e̶r̶i̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶c̶h̶i̶l̶d̶r̶e̶n̶ women who broke his dick off by chalking MURDER LOBBY in front of the MURDER LOBBY. We look forward to seeing the case develop, and we hope for more media coverage that places the names NRA, MEL WILLIAMS, KKK, NAMBLA*, and MURDER LOBBY in such appropriately close proximity.
*Okay, fine, we just added that one.