Truth in Advertising

by BetsyM Comment Closed

Breaking! Hot off the Betsy Riot Press!

Have you heard about this shit in Springfield, Nebraska? It’s like a Trumpstertrash turducken: an inner core of rampant racism stuffed inside some sexism nested within a layer of transphobia.

Yesterday a little Hispanic girl from Omaha, Nebraska, went with her soccer team to nearby R̶a̶c̶i̶s̶t̶f̶u̶c̶k̶s̶v̶i̶l̶l̶e̶ Springfield to play in a soccer tournament. But the authorities at the Springfield Soccer Club turned away the entire Azzuri Cachorros girls’ team because the racist sexist gendernormative assholes claimed that the little girl, who dared to have short hair, was a boy.

No protestations to the contrary or even a health insurance card produced by her father could persuade them otherwise, and they disqualified the entire team.

That’s right: adults members of the species homo sapiens living in your country in 2017 actually disqualified an entire team for racist reasons that they somehow thought would be more palatable if they pretended they really had sexist/transphobic reasons to bully an 8-year-old girl who was fixing to kick the asses of their children on the soccer field.

So tonight the Betsy Riot visited the soccer facility in Springfield and helped them with a little truth in advertising.

Nebraska GOP = Flaming Assholes

by BetsyM Comment Closed

Today was the last day of the Nebraska legislative session, and senators patted each other on the back over lunch for slashing over 30 million dollars from state services for disabled kids, the elderly, and the mentally ill all so one percenters like their scrotal ulcer governor Pete Ricketts wouldn’t have to pay higher taxes.

So Nebraska Betsies took to the streets with their giant tube of anal cream. They stood outside the restaurant where the parasites who feed off of disabled kids celebrated, and jeered and taunted them as the flaming assholes lurched outside and slithered to the Capitol. “Only flaming assholes fund their own tax breaks off the suffering of children,” they yelled, as well as “Do you kill kids and the mentally ill before or after church?”

Jeff “Fuckface” Fortenberry – Part Deux

by BetsyM Comment Closed

The Nebraska Betsies have proven so successful at getting in the face of “family values” congressmen who hypocritically support a national agenda of pussy grabbing, breaking up immigrant families, taking away the healthcare of millions, ruining public education, treasonously embracing Russian totalitarianism as a way of life, and enriching billionaires on the backs of the poor–along with countless other anti-neighborly, safety-destroying fascist policies–that this US SENATOR and US REP, both of whom were riled by Betsy Riot protests in their home state in the last week, have been driven to create a Betsy Riot Victim Support Group for Whiny Snowflake Politicians with Hurt Feewings.

ACTUAL PHONE CALL TRANSCRIPT (seriously): “Hello, Rep. Jeff Fortenberry? It’s Sen. Ben Sasse. Listen, man, I’ve been where you’re at. I know you’re hurting. I just want you to know I’m here for you. Those Betsies with those signs and masks and all that nasty talk and stuff–whoooooweeee, they’re mean! Just let the mantears flow, brother. There’s no shame. Let’s get together sometime and talk about it. I’ll bring the coffee and donuts. You bring the Russian vodka, Klan hoods and Holy Bibles with all the parts about polygamy, slavery, and incest underlined.”

You cowardly fuckfaces. If you want to support fascism and oppress women and ruin families and destroy lives, at least have the strength of character to force your simpering balls back down from the recesses of your body cavities and face the public anger your actions generate.

Or maybe you could just do the right thing.

Congratulations to the Nebraska Betsies once again!

Jeff “Fuckface” Fortenberry

by BetsyM Comment Closed

Oh, those Nebraska Betsies! Sigh. What ever shall we do with you?

As seen in the yard of Nebraska Congressman Jeff “Fuckface” Fortenberry, a member of the Grabbers of Pussy (GOP) party and a laughably hypocritical, toadie anus-mouth for the flatulent, America-hating, Russian smegma-ingesting, incest-advocating fascist Trump Regime.

Or so they tell us.

Betsy and Ben

by BetsyM Comment Closed

What happens when U.S. Senator Ben “Never Trump” Sasse, who it turns out from his voting record is actually U.S. Senator Ben “Always Trump” Sasse, turns the Lincoln, Nebraska marathon into a pathetic campaign opportunity for his inevitable 2020 presidential run? Betsy shows up.

Sen Ben Sasse, in gray shirt, politicizing the marathon. With Betsy Riot.

Posted by Craig Roper on Sunday, May 7, 2017

Nolite Te Bastardes Carborundorum

by BetsyM Comment Closed

Today Nebraska’s Governor Pete Deatheater Ricketts signed into law a bill that will help women with dense breast tissue be accurately diagnosed if they have breast cancer. Sounds great, right? It is. Except meanwhile the piece of shit governor is trying to close clinics that serve poor women and children in order to give his wealthy friends tax cuts. So Betsy dressed as handmaids from Margaret Atwood’s Handmaid’s Tale and haunted his press conference. Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.

Happy Easter, one and all

by BetsyM Comment Closed

You know how the United States is overrun by assholes who simultaneously espouse the most disgusting anti-poor, pro-death, pro-gun fuckery AND thump Bibles and listen to shitty Christian rock? Betsy is fed up with churches that reassure greaseturds that their Savior rejoices in public policy that degrades women and promotes poverty, misery, and white nationalism. So she has been seeking out these hives, going straight to the churches to ask parishioners how in the holy fuck they reconcile the teachings of a poor socialist pacifist Middle Eastern refugee with the endless tsunami of moral diarrhea issuing forth from the mouths of evangelical megachurch ministers.

This week her target was Berean Church of Lincoln, Nebraska, home to some of the state’s worst politicians. The church itself employs armed security guards–because whose skull would Jesus blow open?–and has even sent people to the state legislature to ask the government to allow more guns in church.

So Betsies put on their Easter dresses and began festooning the thousands of twatmobiles in the parking lot with this leaflet when a group of the church’s notorious security emerged a wee bit upset at the Betsies, and also likely feeling out of sorts due to the doucheketeer black jacket/jeans/brown shoe fuckknuckle combo that, along with concealed handguns, appear to be standard issue.

These testosterone-addled shartsnufflers proceeded to follow the betsies both on foot and by Ford F-onefitty for over a mile before the betsies lost them. Nothing intimidates a phony cross wagging NRA chode like some ladies with paper. Happy Easter, one and all.

Big Betsy is Watching

by BetsyM Comment Closed

Betsy Riot staged a protest in Omaha, Nebraska Friday night in front of the Republican Party’s fundraiser dinners. Plates ran about $2000 each. Governor Pete Ricketts, Senator Deb Fischer, Congressman Don Bacon, Mayor Jean Stothert and other supporters of fascism, misogyny, and xenophobia attended the dinner in the hopes of raising funds for more fucking over of the poor, the brown, and the female, and with secondary anticipations that some well-placed Viagra, a little alcoholic lubrication, some fancy dress suits, and the stale whiff of money and power would prompt their companions to some slightly-less-begrudging-than-usual sex afterward.

The guest speaker at the fundraiser was alt-right fascist propagandist Charlie Kirk, founder and executivedirector of the anti-intellectual advocacy group Turning Point USA,best known for its campaign to intimidate public education faculty with a “Professor Watchlist”—a hitlist that personally targets academics whose teachings contradict the imbecilities and “alternative facts” of rightwing dogma.

Betsy Riot booed attendees, starting with former governor and “pro-life” neonatal care slasher Governor Dave Heineman, continuing until Charlie KKKirk was spotted purposely avoiding Betsy Riot by going a full block out of his way to slink across the street so he wouldn’t have to endure their watchful eyes.

Betsy Goes to the Zoo

by BetsyM Comment Closed

Nebraska’s deatheater governor Pete Ricketts, who has never met a pipeline or lethal injection he didn’t like nor a public resource he does not want to fuck back into the middle ages, was bafflingly invited to speak at a ceremony for a children’s zoo today. So some Nebraska Betsies decorated a couple hundred chairs at the venue for the occasion.