Betsy Stands Up to Christianist Hate Churches

How do shithead politicians reconcile their poor-hating, gun-pushing, immigrant-targeting policies with the Christian religion, which worships an impoverished middle eastern refugee baby who grew up to advocate nonviolent socialist ideals?

Christianist hate churches, that’s how. In every state in this country where policy makers are fucking the poor, the brown, and the vulnerable, they are being applauded and empowered by pastors and congregations that teach them that God himself sanctions stomping a jackboot on the most needy among us.

Christianist hate churches are the ideological motors of the far right. They are where the most disgusting impulses in our country receive social and “divine” validation.

Case in point: Berean Church of Nebraska is a megachurch whose congregation includes a roster of jackboots propping themselves up on a Bible. Most recently, congregant Doug Peterson, Attorney General of the State of Nebraska, co-signed a letter asking Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III to make it easier to deport Dreamers—he literally worships an immigrant on Sundays and wants help from Trump to bust up immigrant families on Mondays.

Fuck that piece of shit.

Nebraska Betsies held a demonstration in front of the church yesterday morning, where the congregation gaped, gasped, and offered up the single-finger Berean Salute as they rolled into church. At one point church security—which is armed at Berean—tried to intimidate the Betsies by driving by at a crawl wearing a doucheketeer bluetooth earpiece and filming them as closely as possible for later wanking in the church situation room.

Betsy is here to say: you don’t get to practice everyday fascism with no pushback anymore.

Ricketts and his Fascist Snowflake Friends

Nebraska Governor Pete Deatheater Ricketts publicly announced his re-election campaign to an audience of fawning toadies. Betsy was on hand to point out to attendees that Ricketts, who uses his personal fortune to buy legislative seats and fund ballot initiatives to work around the legislature, just preserved his own tax cuts by slashing services to children, the sick, and the elderly. Fuck him, they said.

Ricketts’s retinue of fascist snowflakes responded by calling the police on Betsy Riot because the signs made them feel unsafe. One C-grade would-be Nazi began haranguing a Betsy whilst he chomped on his celebratory cake, which was almost certainly baked from an off-brand mix by one of the sister wives inside and more likely than not had excessive, cloying frosting. When Betsy said, “Go choke on your cake,” the poor thing wailed out that Betsy had issued him a death threat. Lincoln Police were unmoved.

Later, an albino chode exited the building with his kids, and paused to tell the Betsies that he did not approve of them and held up his middle finger in their general direction. A Betsy told him to go fuck himself, and the fragile lad ran home to Twitter, where he claimed that Betsy had verbally attacked his children. A local radio personality–we use the term “personality” loosely–who had also once had his feewings hurt by Betsy Riot invited the victim on his show, where the two puddles commiserated about how things have just truly gone to hell when you can’t hold a nice sausage wank for a predatory fascist anymore without mean ladies fucking up your day.

Nebraska GOP = Flaming Assholes

Today was the last day of the Nebraska legislative session, and senators patted each other on the back over lunch for slashing over 30 million dollars from state services for disabled kids, the elderly, and the mentally ill all so one percenters like their scrotal ulcer governor Pete Ricketts wouldn’t have to pay higher taxes.

So Nebraska Betsies took to the streets with their giant tube of anal cream. They stood outside the restaurant where the parasites who feed off of disabled kids celebrated, and jeered and taunted them as the flaming assholes lurched outside and slithered to the Capitol. “Only flaming assholes fund their own tax breaks off the suffering of children,” they yelled, as well as “Do you kill kids and the mentally ill before or after church?”

Jeff “Fuckface” Fortenberry – Part Deux

The Nebraska Betsies have proven so successful at getting in the face of “family values” congressmen who hypocritically support a national agenda of pussy grabbing, breaking up immigrant families, taking away the healthcare of millions, ruining public education, treasonously embracing Russian totalitarianism as a way of life, and enriching billionaires on the backs of the poor–along with countless other anti-neighborly, safety-destroying fascist policies–that this US SENATOR and US REP, both of whom were riled by Betsy Riot protests in their home state in the last week, have been driven to create a Betsy Riot Victim Support Group for Whiny Snowflake Politicians with Hurt Feewings.

ACTUAL PHONE CALL TRANSCRIPT (seriously): “Hello, Rep. Jeff Fortenberry? It’s Sen. Ben Sasse. Listen, man, I’ve been where you’re at. I know you’re hurting. I just want you to know I’m here for you. Those Betsies with those signs and masks and all that nasty talk and stuff–whoooooweeee, they’re mean! Just let the mantears flow, brother. There’s no shame. Let’s get together sometime and talk about it. I’ll bring the coffee and donuts. You bring the Russian vodka, Klan hoods and Holy Bibles with all the parts about polygamy, slavery, and incest underlined.”

You cowardly fuckfaces. If you want to support fascism and oppress women and ruin families and destroy lives, at least have the strength of character to force your simpering balls back down from the recesses of your body cavities and face the public anger your actions generate.

Or maybe you could just do the right thing.

Congratulations to the Nebraska Betsies once again!

Jeff “Fuckface” Fortenberry

Oh, those Nebraska Betsies! Sigh. What ever shall we do with you?

As seen in the yard of Nebraska Congressman Jeff “Fuckface” Fortenberry, a member of the Grabbers of Pussy (GOP) party and a laughably hypocritical, toadie anus-mouth for the flatulent, America-hating, Russian smegma-ingesting, incest-advocating fascist Trump Regime.

Or so they tell us.

Happy Easter, one and all

You know how the United States is overrun by assholes who simultaneously espouse the most disgusting anti-poor, pro-death, pro-gun fuckery AND thump Bibles and listen to shitty Christian rock? Betsy is fed up with churches that reassure greaseturds that their Savior rejoices in public policy that degrades women and promotes poverty, misery, and white nationalism. So she has been seeking out these hives, going straight to the churches to ask parishioners how in the holy fuck they reconcile the teachings of a poor socialist pacifist Middle Eastern refugee with the endless tsunami of moral diarrhea issuing forth from the mouths of evangelical megachurch ministers.

This week her target was Berean Church of Lincoln, Nebraska, home to some of the state’s worst politicians. The church itself employs armed security guards–because whose skull would Jesus blow open?–and has even sent people to the state legislature to ask the government to allow more guns in church.

So Betsies put on their Easter dresses and began festooning the thousands of twatmobiles in the parking lot with this leaflet when a group of the church’s notorious security emerged a wee bit upset at the Betsies, and also likely feeling out of sorts due to the doucheketeer black jacket/jeans/brown shoe fuckknuckle combo that, along with concealed handguns, appear to be standard issue.

These testosterone-addled shartsnufflers proceeded to follow the betsies both on foot and by Ford F-onefitty for over a mile before the betsies lost them. Nothing intimidates a phony cross wagging NRA chode like some ladies with paper. Happy Easter, one and all.

Big Betsy is Watching

Betsy Riot staged a protest in Omaha, Nebraska Friday night in front of the Republican Party’s fundraiser dinners. Plates ran about $2000 each. Governor Pete Ricketts, Senator Deb Fischer, Congressman Don Bacon, Mayor Jean Stothert and other supporters of fascism, misogyny, and xenophobia attended the dinner in the hopes of raising funds for more fucking over of the poor, the brown, and the female, and with secondary anticipations that some well-placed Viagra, a little alcoholic lubrication, some fancy dress suits, and the stale whiff of money and power would prompt their companions to some slightly-less-begrudging-than-usual sex afterward.

The guest speaker at the fundraiser was alt-right fascist propagandist Charlie Kirk, founder and executivedirector of the anti-intellectual advocacy group Turning Point USA,best known for its campaign to intimidate public education faculty with a “Professor Watchlist”—a hitlist that personally targets academics whose teachings contradict the imbecilities and “alternative facts” of rightwing dogma.

Betsy Riot booed attendees, starting with former governor and “pro-life” neonatal care slasher Governor Dave Heineman, continuing until Charlie KKKirk was spotted purposely avoiding Betsy Riot by going a full block out of his way to slink across the street so he wouldn’t have to endure their watchful eyes.

Betsy Goes to the Zoo

Nebraska’s deatheater governor Pete Ricketts, who has never met a pipeline or lethal injection he didn’t like nor a public resource he does not want to fuck back into the middle ages, was bafflingly invited to speak at a ceremony for a children’s zoo today. So some Nebraska Betsies decorated a couple hundred chairs at the venue for the occasion.

Bill Kintner Prematurely Evacuated

Bill Kintner Prematurely Evacuated

Whatever the fuck is going on in Nebraska, the rest of the resistance take note. There is a riot of ass-kicking betsies that are showing the rest of us how it’s done. If they can do it there, we can do it anywhere.

Yesterday, Nebraska State Senator Bill Kintner, whose many offenses include calling refugees insects, using the term “wetback” on the floor of the legislature, and working his dreary chaffed penis to dismal climax on camera in an international blackmail scheme, finally resigned from his position after unprecedented fucking blowback for a retweet of a photo of the women’s march claiming that some women are too ugly to rape. In his resignation presser he claimed that God had placed him in the legislature.

To celebrate his early departure, Nebraska betsies installed this glorious banner over downtown Lincoln. It says BILL KINTNER PREMATURELY EVACUATED.

Betsies elsewhere, take a page from this playbook!

More on Kintner: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/…/us-politician-bill-kintner-qu…/

Scrotum of Undateables

Scrotum of Undateables

The collective term for a group of Betsies is a “riot of Betsies.” And no one lives up to that term more than our Nebraska Betsies, who are quickly proving themselves to be the most fucking riotous in the fucking country.

The collective term for a fraternity of rape-advocating wannabe pussy-grabbers is a “scrotum of undateables.” On Saturday, a scrotum of undateables outside their pathetic nut sack of a frat house watched the passing Women’s March and, reeking of dirty gym socks and desperate semen, taunted the crowd with chants of “No means YES! No means YES!” The scrotum of undateables also chanted “Grab them by the pussy!” and asked women marchers if their “pussies were blue.” A Trump banner hung from their balcony.

The name of the fraternity is Phi Gamma Delta. They call themselves FIJI (Hahaha! Phi G! Get it, get it?!). One of their proudest fraternity alums is “Brother” Mike Pence.

So it was that a riot of Betsies paid the scrotum of undateables a visit under cloak of night. And here is what the boys woke up to:

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