Happy Easter, one and all

You know how the United States is overrun by assholes who simultaneously espouse the most disgusting anti-poor, pro-death, pro-gun fuckery AND thump Bibles and listen to shitty Christian rock? Betsy is fed up with churches that reassure greaseturds that their Savior rejoices in public policy that degrades women and promotes poverty, misery, and white nationalism. So she has been seeking out these hives, going straight to the churches to ask parishioners how in the holy fuck they reconcile the teachings of a poor socialist pacifist Middle Eastern refugee with the endless tsunami of moral diarrhea issuing forth from the mouths of evangelical megachurch ministers.

This week her target was Berean Church of Lincoln, Nebraska, home to some of the state’s worst politicians. The church itself employs armed security guards–because whose skull would Jesus blow open?–and has even sent people to the state legislature to ask the government to allow more guns in church.

So Betsies put on their Easter dresses and began festooning the thousands of twatmobiles in the parking lot with this leaflet when a group of the church’s notorious security emerged a wee bit upset at the Betsies, and also likely feeling out of sorts due to the doucheketeer black jacket/jeans/brown shoe fuckknuckle combo that, along with concealed handguns, appear to be standard issue.

These testosterone-addled shartsnufflers proceeded to follow the betsies both on foot and by Ford F-onefitty for over a mile before the betsies lost them. Nothing intimidates a phony cross wagging NRA chode like some ladies with paper. Happy Easter, one and all.

Big Betsy is Watching

Betsy Riot staged a protest in Omaha, Nebraska Friday night in front of the Republican Party’s fundraiser dinners. Plates ran about $2000 each. Governor Pete Ricketts, Senator Deb Fischer, Congressman Don Bacon, Mayor Jean Stothert and other supporters of fascism, misogyny, and xenophobia attended the dinner in the hopes of raising funds for more fucking over of the poor, the brown, and the female, and with secondary anticipations that some well-placed Viagra, a little alcoholic lubrication, some fancy dress suits, and the stale whiff of money and power would prompt their companions to some slightly-less-begrudging-than-usual sex afterward.

The guest speaker at the fundraiser was alt-right fascist propagandist Charlie Kirk, founder and executivedirector of the anti-intellectual advocacy group Turning Point USA,best known for its campaign to intimidate public education faculty with a “Professor Watchlist”—a hitlist that personally targets academics whose teachings contradict the imbecilities and “alternative facts” of rightwing dogma.

Betsy Riot booed attendees, starting with former governor and “pro-life” neonatal care slasher Governor Dave Heineman, continuing until Charlie KKKirk was spotted purposely avoiding Betsy Riot by going a full block out of his way to slink across the street so he wouldn’t have to endure their watchful eyes.

Betsy Goes to the Zoo

Nebraska’s deatheater governor Pete Ricketts, who has never met a pipeline or lethal injection he didn’t like nor a public resource he does not want to fuck back into the middle ages, was bafflingly invited to speak at a ceremony for a children’s zoo today. So some Nebraska Betsies decorated a couple hundred chairs at the venue for the occasion.

Bill Kintner Prematurely Evacuated

Bill Kintner Prematurely Evacuated

Whatever the fuck is going on in Nebraska, the rest of the resistance take note. There is a riot of ass-kicking betsies that are showing the rest of us how it’s done. If they can do it there, we can do it anywhere.

Yesterday, Nebraska State Senator Bill Kintner, whose many offenses include calling refugees insects, using the term “wetback” on the floor of the legislature, and working his dreary chaffed penis to dismal climax on camera in an international blackmail scheme, finally resigned from his position after unprecedented fucking blowback for a retweet of a photo of the women’s march claiming that some women are too ugly to rape. In his resignation presser he claimed that God had placed him in the legislature.

To celebrate his early departure, Nebraska betsies installed this glorious banner over downtown Lincoln. It says BILL KINTNER PREMATURELY EVACUATED.

Betsies elsewhere, take a page from this playbook!

More on Kintner: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/…/us-politician-bill-kintner-qu…/

Scrotum of Undateables

Scrotum of Undateables

The collective term for a group of Betsies is a “riot of Betsies.” And no one lives up to that term more than our Nebraska Betsies, who are quickly proving themselves to be the most fucking riotous in the fucking country.

The collective term for a fraternity of rape-advocating wannabe pussy-grabbers is a “scrotum of undateables.” On Saturday, a scrotum of undateables outside their pathetic nut sack of a frat house watched the passing Women’s March and, reeking of dirty gym socks and desperate semen, taunted the crowd with chants of “No means YES! No means YES!” The scrotum of undateables also chanted “Grab them by the pussy!” and asked women marchers if their “pussies were blue.” A Trump banner hung from their balcony.

The name of the fraternity is Phi Gamma Delta. They call themselves FIJI (Hahaha! Phi G! Get it, get it?!). One of their proudest fraternity alums is “Brother” Mike Pence.

So it was that a riot of Betsies paid the scrotum of undateables a visit under cloak of night. And here is what the boys woke up to:

Big Pussy Is Watching

Big Pussy Is Watching

Check out this great photo of a Betsy in Omaha yesterday by photographer Mike Machian!

What’s Betsy saying, you ask? Word has it she was pointing to the crowd and saying, “You can be a Betsy, and you can be a Betsy, and you can be a Betsy…!

If you are sick to the death of this fucking shit and are ready to kick the Zeitgeist in its fucking scrotum, you are already Betsy–you just didn’t know it!

Let’s change the culture. Let’s fuck shit up. Be a Betsy, goddammit! Do it NOW!

How? Go check out our page’s video section for tips and examples of our actions. Or go to our website at betsyriot.com and click on “Get Started.”

Do it. Do it now. And thanks to Mike Machian for this inspirational photo ofBetsy!


Keep Your Rosaries Off Our Ovaries

Keep Your Rosaries Off Our Ovaries

Check this out. The Nebraska Capitol does not allow signs. So some Nebraska Betsies looked to their suffragist forebears and made APRONS to silently protest their tea-bagger governor Pete Ricketts, who has spent a personal fortune reinstating the death penalty and installing compliant senators in the state’s legislature. The Betsies were immediately kicked out of the press conference by the State Patrol, who insisted that the event was only open to people who had a press ID. However, the Governor’s own web site says that the event was open to the public. 

So the Betsies stood outside his office for hours today under these fabulously inspiring murals depicting freedom of speech and suffrage rights. The governor tried to avoid them, and his security team, who had been watching the Betsies fretfully, finally squirreled him through a labyrinth of offices so he could exit the building with minimal exposure to those dangerous aprons. When the Betsies left the building on foot, they were followed for blocks by a state vehicle with tinted windows. The Nebraska Betsies tell us they will not be intimidated.

The aprons say:

We can see why the gentleman scurried off in fear.
We at Betsy Riot want to see more protests like this. Make them squirm, Betsies!