That feeling when United States Senator Ben Sasse is so upset that women in his state call him out for the woman-hating, gunlicking fake conscientious asshole that he is that he runs to his mama for protection.
Nebraska Attorney General Doug Peterson has written a letter supporting the continued detention and refusal of medical services to an immigrant girl in Texas. Peterson believes two things: 1) a teenage girl detained by ICE in Texas should be forced to give birth against her wishes, and 2) his opinion as AG of a different state has fuckall to do with this. Betsies wondered what kind of creepy fuck sticks his nose into the private parts of a captive teenage girl and put up some signage in his neighborhood. Of course he and his neighbors find the flyers scandalous, not his use of his authority to try to influence another state to forcibly breed a minor.
Illinois Betsies learned that the Lake County Republican Party was holding an NRA wankfest right after yet another massacre. And it’s always right after yet another massacre because this is the NRA’s America. So Betsy left this calling card for the LaPierre toadies setting up the “Second Amendment Dinner and Gun Raffle,” which was selling guns to benefit the GOP…as all gun sales do.
Oh, dear. Sigh. The Kentucky Betsies visited Sen. Mitch “Murder Turtle” McConnell’s house in Louisville AGAIN and left more than a few signs for him. Why so many? We can only assume it’s because Mitch debases democracy in so many areas you can’t fit them all on one poster–from Chris Cox-sucking the blood money-jizzing death dick of the NRA, to proclaiming himself the wise Poindexter overlord of all women’s bodies as well as the beknickered Fauntleroy executioner to millions of sick and vulnerable and poor by diligently working to destroy the Affordable Care Act and Medicare.
And though there is no lawn sign for this offense, we would add to the list, proclaiming himself nebbishy supreme ruler of the country and the magical Dungeons-and-Dragons manifestation of all the country’s founders rolled into one by shitting on the Constitution and refusing to hold hearings for a two-time democratically elected president’s Supreme Court nominee. Though arguably, that’s what the “You Just Fucking Suck” sign was likely about. An “etc.” to cover the rest of the list.
Mitch McConnell has a reputation for being a “smart” legislator, but that’s mostly because people feel bad about his nerdy physical appearance and they want to say something nice. The truth is, he has demonstrated no competence or skill whatsoever at passing legislation–only a staggering capacity to destroy and obstruct the work of others.
The facts are: Mitch is a fraud. He looks like a turtle. And he is full of shit.
Which may be the reason that the small paper mache likeness of Mitch, which the Betsies also left on his lawn, was frankly kinda heavy to carry, to hear them tell it. And it smelled, we are told, like a Saint Bernard’s dingleberry encrusted ass–as though someone had perversedly saved up an entire week’s worth of their dog’s bowel movements and then spooned it into a hole in the bottom of the paper mache to create a fecal lawn piñata. That looked like a turtle. Or Mitch McConnell. As the case may be.
Or so we’re told. We weren’t there.
Had we been there we would have most certainly admonished those bad, bad Betsies.
Really!–what are we to do with them?
This week when Louisville KY police responded to a call, Corey Boykin, aka Cobo, opened the door. The police did not identify themselves or ask him to put his hands up, instead opening fire immediately and without warning. A Betsy dropped this banner this morning. The American gun industry profits off of every gun, every shooting, and the militarization of the police. Melt the guns.
We at Betsy Riot think it would be a real crying shame and possibly in violation of local ordinances, depending on location, if people everywhere were to print out this pdf (link to full-sized 8/5″ x 11″ file here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/zh3uaztkwsw2i…/MURDER%20STORE.pdf…) and plaster it all over every fucking gun store in your respective towns. It would be even worse if you laminated them so they would last longer and built yourself a Betsy banger according to the easy-to-follow instructions here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88y-DdPlDF0) and whacked these things up high, making them difficult to remove. It would, in fact, be so tragically unfair that we are willing to bet that unlike the slaughter of 58 people at a concert, it might actually elicit a reaction from the gunlicking shitstains who pour guns into your community.