Ted Nugent – Canceled

**BREAKING**

Check out what just came down the pike.

Do you remember Ted Nugent? He is a has-been “musician” turned NRA board member who has tried to maintain his fame by stoking gunlicking, white nationalist cocksplats into a war against liberals and people of color. He himself avoided actual war by literally shitting his pants to get out of it, then rose to musical s̶t̶a̶r̶d̶o̶m̶ half-chub through such hits as “Jailbait,” about his interest in raping a 13-year-old girl. This peach was recently invited to the White House, where he left a trail of Slim Jim grease and pre-ejaculate all over the golden drapery of the Oval Office.

Well, Ron Onesti, owner of Arcada Theater in St. Charles outside of Chicago, decided to invite this misogynist white supremacist living shart to give a concert there tonight, but was sufficiently aware that Spugent would be received poorly by the city that he didn’t even hang up a single poster to advertise. Imagine Illinois Betsy’s surprise when she strolled by this morning to discover a large handmade CANCELED banner hung on the theater, a rather surprising letter from the Spuge himself on the theater window, an apology taped on the door of nearby businesses, and even a sign decrying the fucker in the front lawn of the theater owner.

“Thanks for the Sepsis”

So what does Louisville, KY, Betsy do to unwind after a long day spent telling hayseed neo-nazis to go fuck their moms? Why, she swings by the home of her old friend and recovering high school swirly victim Sen. Mitch “Murder Turtle” McConnell, and she drops off a “Thanks For The Sepsis” banner on his front doorstep in tribute to his incompetently executed and ultimately failed campaign to destroy healthcare for millions of vulnerable Americans–with a little career advice for the Yertle manqué tossed in for good measure.

Fuck Your Guns!

Five years ago a deranged fuck slaughtered twelve people and horrifically injured many others at the Century 16 theater in Aurora, Colorado. He was enabled by a parasitic gun industry and vulture lobbyists who made sure that even a fucking obvious psychopath could buy unlimited firepower and ammunition. We are marking the anniversary by distributing this freely downloadable sticker for you to print at home, for placement wherever lead-addled idiots need reminding.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/172pt4ikx55zqg6/AURORA%20DARK%20KNIGHT%20-%20Avery%205163.pdf?dl=0

A Dark Night

July 20 is the anniversary of the Aurora, Colorado, gun massacre in the Cinemark Century 16 movie theater, during a midnight screening of The Dark Knight Rises, when the America-hating, death eating blood suckers of the NRA and the bloody flux-lapping shit wallowers in the U.S. Congress slaughtered by proxy 12 people and injured 70 others after letting a law banning semi-automatic weapons and high capacity magazines lapse in 2004, thereby allowing a mentally disturbed man to purchase them ONLINE.

We’ve uploaded a new sticker commemorating the Aurora massacre to our Betsy Printables Dropbox folder. It is formatted for Avery 5163 labels, available at office supply stores.

Feel free to go see a movie tomorrow. If you see anything interesting, be sure to take a photo of it and send it to us.

Here are the direct links to the .pdf of these stickers:

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/82sax9y30g6uqws/AABtERNLzpmAcCp161bnDcl0a/STICKERS%20-%20GUN%20THEMED/AURORA%20DARK%20KNIGHT%20-%20Avery%205163.pdf?dl=0

https://www.dropbox.com/s/l1yuhfzk59z6vlj/BATMAN%20FUCK%20YOUR%20GUNS%20-%20Avery%205163.pdf?dl=0

www.johnlott.com

Betsy has always had a soft spot in her heart for John Lott, the NRA’s pet “researcher,” author, and fulltime anal fissure whose fraudulent and completely debunked “studies” are used to push guns in every walk of American life. In fact, one of Betsy’s favorite actions was when multiple Betsies ruined his day by standing up during one of his public talks to call him out for the noxious carbuncle on America’s ass that he is.

So imagine Betsy’s delight when she discovered that dear Mr. Lott had allowed his web domain registration to expire. Oh, no. Heavens to us. Mr. Lott shall be displeased.

http://johnlott.com/

Don Young = Cankered Penis

Don Young is a cankered penis who has been fucking his home state of Alaska in Congress since 1973. Besides holding predictable positions on government enforced pregnancy and the assignation of thousands of his constituents to death by medical neglect and penury, this fetid chode actively wants to open up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to permanent fucking by the oil industry. You know, because #prolife. So Alaska Betsy has taken to improving this cheese-dribbler’s campaign signs and encourages fellow residents of the Last Frontier to keep a marker handy and add their own improvements.

Campus Carry in Kansas

Today is the day that the law allowing unregulated concealed carry at Kansas colleges and universities goes into effect. Students and anyone else may now legally carry loaded handguns into classrooms with no training or licensing–not that training or licensing would even make that flaming horseshit okay.

Campus carry is fundamentally about two things. 1) It expands the gun market by removing that pesky four-year no-guns period between having rifles at your parents’ house and having rifles at your own house, which keeps little gunlicker chodes loyal lifelong customers even while away from home. 2) It allows feculent red state shitbag legislators to make over oases of liberality and learning into the benighted feudal cesspools where they feel comfortable.

So today Kansas betsies protested the NRA fucking over their campuses with some beautiful signage and a helpful note on the doorstep of the chancellor of the KU system, reminding her that she rolled over for this bullshit.

Betsy Goes to the Ballgame

The NCAA World’s Series of Men’s College Baseball is an annual event at the TD Ameritrade Center in Omaha. Two of the teams this year were LSU and Florida. Betsy was there.

Because both Louisiana and Florida have such stellar records in NRA-crafted gun laws that literally encourage gun violence (results don’t lie!); and because Rep. Steve Scalise, the badly injured Congressional baseball practice gunshot victim, has such a robust history of shilling for the NRA–the Nebraska betsies decided the NCAA World Series of Men’s College Baseball might be a good venue to offer helpful reminders about the way the NRA has fucked up our most beloved national pastime.

No, no–we don’t mean baseball. We mean breathing.

(PS: a female police officer showed up and questioned the Nebraska betsies. “We’re national, non-violence, punk patriots and neo-suffragettes! You can find us online!” the betsies told her. “Cool!” said the officer. And then she took a group photo for them.)

Betsy Goes Thrifting

Wisconsin Betsy was having her carpet cleaned back at her apartment, and so with time on her hands, she ambled down to her local thrift store to while away the hours. There, something caused her to suddenly remember that tomorrow night, prime time TV’s Megyn Kelly was providing a national forum to–and thereby facilitating the normalization of–gunlicking psychopathic Sandy Hook hoaxer, deadbeat dad, racist, misogynist, fascist Apoplexy Foundation poster child, Trump advisor and human fecal implant Alex Jones.

Unfortunately–or fortunately, depending on your viewpoint–Betsy then discovered to her great surprise that she had a Sharpie in her hand!

And then she encountered Ducky Dynasty and Call of Duty tee shirts, and claptrap not just by Megan Kelly, but by Palin, Huckabee, and some ambiguously encrusted douche nozzle libertarian dude.

A word to promoters of Duck Dynasty swag: in the future, try not to design tee shirts that look like comic strip panels.