Chinga Tu Madre!

N ew Mexico governor Susana Martinez is a transphobic, homophobic, pro-woman enslaving, domestic abuse-loving, public education-destroying, public healthcare-denying, Texas oil money shill and fierce–if badly slurring– drunken pizza party advocate (Google her name, “pizza,” and “911” for a few laughs) whose legendary ineptitude, jaw-dropping pettiness, outrageous nepotism, and Kill-Gut-Then-Eat-the-Poor-From-Your-Privileged-Diamond-Encrusted-Dinner-Table fiscal beliefs have earned New Mexico the title of “Worst-Run State” for two consecutive years running. This shitstain Trumpite enriches herself and rewards her wealthy unqualified cronies and donors with state appointments, while gratuitously and cruelly denying even the simplest of human dignities to the vulnerable in what is historically a poor state.

And so the New Mexico Betsy Rioters decided to pay a night visit to their State Capitol in Sante Fe–aka “the Roundhouse”–and leave a special message for their corrupt, hateful and incompetent governor, complete with pizza-shape exclamation points and helpful suggestions on how to spend quality time with her mom.

(BTW, the “tejana” nickname is apparently a regional monicker in New Mexico emphasizing Martinez’s outsider Texas origins and her lack of commitment to New Mexico as anything other than a shitting place for her and her poor people-belching Texas oil buddies.)

Ricketts and his Fascist Snowflake Friends

Nebraska Governor Pete Deatheater Ricketts publicly announced his re-election campaign to an audience of fawning toadies. Betsy was on hand to point out to attendees that Ricketts, who uses his personal fortune to buy legislative seats and fund ballot initiatives to work around the legislature, just preserved his own tax cuts by slashing services to children, the sick, and the elderly. Fuck him, they said.

Ricketts’s retinue of fascist snowflakes responded by calling the police on Betsy Riot because the signs made them feel unsafe. One C-grade would-be Nazi began haranguing a Betsy whilst he chomped on his celebratory cake, which was almost certainly baked from an off-brand mix by one of the sister wives inside and more likely than not had excessive, cloying frosting. When Betsy said, “Go choke on your cake,” the poor thing wailed out that Betsy had issued him a death threat. Lincoln Police were unmoved.

Later, an albino chode exited the building with his kids, and paused to tell the Betsies that he did not approve of them and held up his middle finger in their general direction. A Betsy told him to go fuck himself, and the fragile lad ran home to Twitter, where he claimed that Betsy had verbally attacked his children. A local radio personality–we use the term “personality” loosely–who had also once had his feewings hurt by Betsy Riot invited the victim on his show, where the two puddles commiserated about how things have just truly gone to hell when you can’t hold a nice sausage wank for a predatory fascist anymore without mean ladies fucking up your day.

Piss on Yer Guns – The Second Installment

Attention, Betsy USA! A particularly diabolical betsy in Texas has devised a DELICIOUS plan for pranking the gun lobby and harvesting gallons of refreshing gunlicker man tears. Totally nonviolent (of course) and 100% legal (unlike the things Wayne LaPierre does with his mom). She has designed and is selling this beautiful “piss on yer guns” line of products to fund the plan. Please throw some cash in her direction and sit tight–if she gets the money she needs (where is George Soros when you need him?) we will be spreading the fruits of her labor far and wide. Any funds raised in excess will go toward other Betsy actions.

We love this pride version, especially as the anniversary of Orlando Pulse approaches and our shitwit Congress enjoyed another year of NRA kickback, but a regular black and white version is also available (posted in comments below).

https://teespring.com/new-piss-on-yer-guns-2…

Truth in Advertising

Breaking! Hot off the Betsy Riot Press!

Have you heard about this shit in Springfield, Nebraska? It’s like a Trumpstertrash turducken: an inner core of rampant racism stuffed inside some sexism nested within a layer of transphobia.

Yesterday a little Hispanic girl from Omaha, Nebraska, went with her soccer team to nearby R̶a̶c̶i̶s̶t̶f̶u̶c̶k̶s̶v̶i̶l̶l̶e̶ Springfield to play in a soccer tournament. But the authorities at the Springfield Soccer Club turned away the entire Azzuri Cachorros girls’ team because the racist sexist gendernormative assholes claimed that the little girl, who dared to have short hair, was a boy.

No protestations to the contrary or even a health insurance card produced by her father could persuade them otherwise, and they disqualified the entire team.

That’s right: adults members of the species homo sapiens living in your country in 2017 actually disqualified an entire team for racist reasons that they somehow thought would be more palatable if they pretended they really had sexist/transphobic reasons to bully an 8-year-old girl who was fixing to kick the asses of their children on the soccer field.

So tonight the Betsy Riot visited the soccer facility in Springfield and helped them with a little truth in advertising.

Betsy Visits the Trumptrash Parade

On Saturday US Senator Joni Deatheater Ernst (first biker in fourth photo) led a procession of Trumpster Brownshirts from Des Moines, Iowa, to Boone, Iowa, where Gilead Supreme Commander Mike Pence whipped up a crowd of servile white supremacists for Trump’s complete fucking over of our country and our planet. “Trump cares about Des Moines, not Denmark,” the piece of planet-killing, misogynist shit said to a crowd of chortling, gullible, tobacco-juice stained white supremacist toadies. Also in attendance were dutiful country-fuckers Chuck Grassley and Steve KKKing.

The Trumptrash Parade was sullied, however, by a riot of Betsies who intercepted the GOP’s useful idiots in Polk City. The Betsies distributed flyers and held signs calling out the gullible planet-fucking shits as they rode by. We hear that the Betsies’ bucket of man tears collected hundreds of raised middle fingers, complaints about obscene language, and even a few extended monologues from racists who stopped for conversation.

We are the Betsy Riot. We will not stand idly by as these armed neo-nazis wrap themselves in our flag and kill our country and the world. Be a Betsy. Go ruin a fascist’s day.

Nebraska GOP = Flaming Assholes

Today was the last day of the Nebraska legislative session, and senators patted each other on the back over lunch for slashing over 30 million dollars from state services for disabled kids, the elderly, and the mentally ill all so one percenters like their scrotal ulcer governor Pete Ricketts wouldn’t have to pay higher taxes.

So Nebraska Betsies took to the streets with their giant tube of anal cream. They stood outside the restaurant where the parasites who feed off of disabled kids celebrated, and jeered and taunted them as the flaming assholes lurched outside and slithered to the Capitol. “Only flaming assholes fund their own tax breaks off the suffering of children,” they yelled, as well as “Do you kill kids and the mentally ill before or after church?”

Betsy Visits Orange City, Iowa

You know what Iowa Betsies have officially fucking had it with? U.S. Rep. Steve KKKing, the long-serving white supremacist miscreant representing both the 4th District of Iowa and the Shittiest Recesses of the Human Brain.

This weekend, Orange City, Iowa, is hosting its famous Tulip Festival, in which the residents who voted over 80% for Steve KKKing put on a pretty show of Dutch heritage and pretend to be decent human beings and not white-supremacy-enabling wads as they invite you to spend your tourist dollars in their town. One part of their annual celebration: inviting the esteemed KKKing, who presumably explains why “other people’s babies” are not fit to “rebuild civilization” but are totally welcome to enrich his district.

So Iowa Betsies headed over to place some truthful advertising around the town. Our favorite: “Fuck Your Racist Tulips.”

Betsy Goes to Murder Prom

Every year hundreds of gunlicking death fetishists come together (pun intended) at the San Diego Gun Owners 2nd Amendment Celebration at San Diego’s Hotel del Coronado. We imagine the patriots in attendance have an unspoken “what happens at the San Diego Gun Owners 2nd Amendment Celebration stays at the San Diego Gun Owners 2nd Amendment Celebration” agreement with their mildewed blow-up dolls, resulting in a weekend of orgiastic ecstasy as they fondle OPP (Other Patriots’ Pistols) and slobber over products designed to help them kill people. The gallery hall is full of This grotesque jizzfest of toxic masculinity and homicide worship that it is known locally as MURDER PROM.

San Diego Betsy was not invited to Murder Prom, but that didn’t stop her from dropping by.