Betsy visited Trump Tower in Chicago.
Illinois Betsies learned that the Lake County Republican Party was holding an NRA wankfest right after yet another massacre. And it’s always right after yet another massacre because this is the NRA’s America. So Betsy left this calling card for the LaPierre toadies setting up the “Second Amendment Dinner and Gun Raffle,” which was selling guns to benefit the GOP…as all gun sales do.
Oh, dear. Sigh. The Kentucky Betsies visited Sen. Mitch “Murder Turtle” McConnell’s house in Louisville AGAIN and left more than a few signs for him. Why so many? We can only assume it’s because Mitch debases democracy in so many areas you can’t fit them all on one poster–from Chris Cox-sucking the blood money-jizzing death dick of the NRA, to proclaiming himself the wise Poindexter overlord of all women’s bodies as well as the beknickered Fauntleroy executioner to millions of sick and vulnerable and poor by diligently working to destroy the Affordable Care Act and Medicare.
And though there is no lawn sign for this offense, we would add to the list, proclaiming himself nebbishy supreme ruler of the country and the magical Dungeons-and-Dragons manifestation of all the country’s founders rolled into one by shitting on the Constitution and refusing to hold hearings for a two-time democratically elected president’s Supreme Court nominee. Though arguably, that’s what the “You Just Fucking Suck” sign was likely about. An “etc.” to cover the rest of the list.
Mitch McConnell has a reputation for being a “smart” legislator, but that’s mostly because people feel bad about his nerdy physical appearance and they want to say something nice. The truth is, he has demonstrated no competence or skill whatsoever at passing legislation–only a staggering capacity to destroy and obstruct the work of others.
The facts are: Mitch is a fraud. He looks like a turtle. And he is full of shit.
Which may be the reason that the small paper mache likeness of Mitch, which the Betsies also left on his lawn, was frankly kinda heavy to carry, to hear them tell it. And it smelled, we are told, like a Saint Bernard’s dingleberry encrusted ass–as though someone had perversedly saved up an entire week’s worth of their dog’s bowel movements and then spooned it into a hole in the bottom of the paper mache to create a fecal lawn piñata. That looked like a turtle. Or Mitch McConnell. As the case may be.
Or so we’re told. We weren’t there.
Had we been there we would have most certainly admonished those bad, bad Betsies.
Really!–what are we to do with them?
Fuck NRA toady Congressman Duncan Hunter of California.
We at Betsy Riot think it would be a real crying shame and possibly in violation of local ordinances, depending on location, if people everywhere were to print out this pdf (link to full-sized 8/5″ x 11″ file here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/zh3uaztkwsw2i…/MURDER%20STORE.pdf…) and plaster it all over every fucking gun store in your respective towns. It would be even worse if you laminated them so they would last longer and built yourself a Betsy banger according to the easy-to-follow instructions here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88y-DdPlDF0) and whacked these things up high, making them difficult to remove. It would, in fact, be so tragically unfair that we are willing to bet that unlike the slaughter of 58 people at a concert, it might actually elicit a reaction from the gunlicking shitstains who pour guns into your community.
Republican U.S. Representative Peter Roskam of Illinois’s 6th District is a douche with an A rating from the NRA (whilst simultaneously claiming to be “pro life,” lulz) even as the biggest city in his state–which is powerless to pass its own gun regulations, not that it matters when the city is right next to blood-red Indiana–suffers an epidemic of gun deaths. Roskam is content to throw his fellow Illinoisans into the jaws of America’s morally depraved firearm industry, so Illinois Betsies left a calling card in his yard to alert his neighborhood to the fact that they live next to a piece of shit. We have a sexual predator registry. It’s time for a gun industry predator registry.
U.S. Senator Deb Fischer has the personality of a stale low-sodium saltine and the dynamism of a lump fish on quaaludes. Her sole purpose in the Senate is to click the “yes” button every time the NRA or any other greedy racist industry asks to fuck this country. And note to lobbyists: she’s a cheap date, too–a couple of Runzas and some Miller High Life and she’s all yours.
This country-destroying, violence-mongering, racist POS deatheater can go right ahead and shut the fuck up. And for more information on Mr. LaPierre, please do consult the facelift Betsy Riot gave his web site. www.waynelapierre.com