Don Young is a cankered penis who has been fucking his home state of Alaska in Congress since 1973. Besides holding predictable positions on government enforced pregnancy and the assignation of thousands of his constituents to death by medical neglect and penury, this fetid chode actively wants to open up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to permanent fucking by the oil industry. You know, because #prolife. So Alaska Betsy has taken to improving this cheese-dribbler’s campaign signs and encourages fellow residents of the Last Frontier to keep a marker handy and add their own improvements.
Grab Gilead by the Balls
Senator Ted Cruz came to Austin, Texas, today, and Betsy was there to greet the steaming sack of shit. At first she joined with other Handmaids in protest, but then the 100+ degree temperatures began to make Betsy woozy, so she said to herself, “Fuck this, I’m grabbing Gilead by the balls.” She threw aside her red gown and bonnet and marched around downtown with her dirty pillows on full display to the supreme commanders. An added touch: she put a Betsy Riot sticker on her abdomen.
Chinga Tu Madre!
N
ew Mexico governor Susana Martinez is a transphobic, homophobic, pro-woman enslaving, domestic abuse-loving, public education-destroying, public healthcare-denying, Texas oil money shill and fierce–if badly slurring– drunken pizza party advocate (Google her name, “pizza,” and “911” for a few laughs) whose legendary ineptitude, jaw-dropping pettiness, outrageous nepotism, and Kill-Gut-Then-Eat-the-Poor-From-Your-Privileged-Diamond-Encrusted-Dinner-Table fiscal beliefs have earned New Mexico the title of “Worst-Run State” for two consecutive years running. This shitstain Trumpite enriches herself and rewards her wealthy unqualified cronies and donors with state appointments, while gratuitously and cruelly denying even the simplest of human dignities to the vulnerable in what is historically a poor state.
And so the New Mexico Betsy Rioters decided to pay a night visit to their State Capitol in Sante Fe–aka “the Roundhouse”–and leave a special message for their corrupt, hateful and incompetent governor, complete with pizza-shape exclamation points and helpful suggestions on how to spend quality time with her mom.
(BTW, the “tejana” nickname is apparently a regional monicker in New Mexico emphasizing Martinez’s outsider Texas origins and her lack of commitment to New Mexico as anything other than a shitting place for her and her poor people-belching Texas oil buddies.)
Betsy Got Into John McCain’s Head
U.S. Senator John McCain has apparently not been the same since Betsy visited the pisser at his office.
Fascinating Insights on Raising American Adults
It appears that someone has affixed this book blurb to copies of Republican U.S. Senator Ben Sasse’s smug excoriation of young Americans, whom he believes are simply not adulting well enough for his taste wholly due to the personal failings of an entire generation lacking in integrity and virtue, and not at all because of his own shitfuck policies that set fire to the ladder previous generations have been able to climb. Over the past several months Sasse has been touring the media, lubing the nation’s poop chute for his entry into the 2020 presidential race, when he hopes we will all remember him as the “Never Trump” Republican and not the Republican who voted for Trump and has supported Il Douche’s policies 98% of the time.
It would be a crying shame if other people were to download these stickers from this link and print them on Avery labels size 5168 or 8168: https://www.dropbox.com/s/hh25evd9zjtfxvt/SASSE.pdf?dl=0
California Betsy
Photographer Joe Dusel got this photo of the Betsy Riot outside of Congressman Douchebarrel Darrel Issa’s California office today. Issa voted to fuck over his constituents by voting for Trumpcare, and the California Betsies came to remind him what a gun-pushing, death-eating piece of shit he is.
Betsy and Ben
What happens when U.S. Senator Ben “Never Trump” Sasse, who it turns out from his voting record is actually U.S. Senator Ben “Always Trump” Sasse, turns the Lincoln, Nebraska marathon into a pathetic campaign opportunity for his inevitable 2020 presidential run? Betsy shows up.
Sen Ben Sasse, in gray shirt, politicizing the marathon. With Betsy Riot.
Posted by Craig Roper on Sunday, May 7, 2017
Nolite Te Bastardes Carborundorum
Today Nebraska’s Governor Pete Deatheater Ricketts signed into law a bill that will help women with dense breast tissue be accurately diagnosed if they have breast cancer. Sounds great, right? It is. Except meanwhile the piece of shit governor is trying to close clinics that serve poor women and children in order to give his wealthy friends tax cuts. So Betsy dressed as handmaids from Margaret Atwood’s Handmaid’s Tale and haunted his press conference. Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.
Betsy’s Bible Quiz
Parishioners at fascist-enabling churches in U.S. Rep. Steve KKKing’s congressional district in Iowa were reminded via a bible quiz on windshields, doors, and signs that their theology might make them feel like God’s chosen people but it is actually a steaming load of white supremacist horseshit.
Very Scary Betsies
We invite you to relish this primo trumpster snowflake, whose emails were acquired from a Freedom of Information request and shared with Betsy Riot.
Coby Mach is the head of a rightwing business association (LIBA) in Lincoln, Nebraska, and also obsessively watches this Facebook page for fear that veiled ladies might say mean words to him one day. Recently, Mr. Mach organized a luncheon where bootlicking fascist US Senator Deb Fischer would speak to Mr Mach’s fascist organization while assiduously avoiding her actual constituents. Mr. Mach, who generally hates it when government spends money, believed that the Lincoln Police Department needed to send a battalion of officers to make his snowflake luncheon a safe space from THE BETSY RIOT. Lincoln Police declined, saying that they would patrol the area according to their usual policy, but that if he wanted private security for his buffet the bill would be on him.
Later, after the vewy scawy pwotest in which Betsies called the bootlicker senator a bootlicker and other protesters knocked on the window, Mach changed his soiled Fruit of the Looms (we assume) and expressed to Lincoln Police that his feelings were hurt because they had failed to arrest anyone. LPD explained that they viewed the whole thing as a success–nobody was hurt, no property was damaged, and nobody got arrested. But it did not feel like a safe space for Mr. Mach. Poor guy.
Here are some highlights from his lengthy email exchange, as well as a photo of the Betsies.
