Betsy vs. Betsy

BETSY VS. BETSY

Oligarch Betsy DeVos, Secretary of Education Dismantlement, visited Lincoln, Nebraska last week to survey how the community is caring for its young riffraff. Unable to find a suitable workhouse where the urchins could be put to a profitable task such as picking oakum or pasting labels on Amway bottles, she was forced to dismount from her carriage at one of the city’s public schools, this one with a focus on something called “science,” which Mme DeVos knows must be trampled out if we are to properly train young workers to serve God and Koch.

The Betsy Riot, feeling rather contrary to Mme DeVos’s designs to fuck up the bedrock of a healthy democracy and also not particularly caring for her awful positions on LGBTQIA youth, special needs kids, and sexual assault, stood in the blistering heat to protest the oligarch’s presence, which they suspect was timed to coincide with their oligarch governor’s efforts to establish charter schools in the state. The Betsies were joined by hundreds of other Lincoln residents who value their children and their fine schools more than kleptocracy, one of whom stopped to get a photo (shared here) with the Betsies.

White Nationalist Assholes

These California Betsies live in California’s 50th congressional district, an otherwise lovely place marred by shitstreak Congressman Duncan Hunter and the white nationalist assholes who voted him in. Hunter hates young immigrants who are productive members of society about as much as he hates people being able to go to the doctor. At the same time, Hunter is a big fan of the NRA and, according to the Office of Congressional Ethics, may enjoy dipping into his campaign donations to buy his family jewelry, groceries, and medical bills… you know, because who needs affordable healthcare when you have a campaign pot to dip into? So California Betsies visited Hunter’s office and called him out for the polyped rectum that he is.

 

Kentucky Handmaids

Kentucky governor Matt Bevin–an aspiring forced pregnancy farmer who dreams of industrialized birthing warehouses packed with impregnated 12 year old girls who’ve been raped (an enterprise that he plans to underwrite with profits from his used coat hanger business) has gone on the official record as wanting to rid the state of any and all women’s healthcare clinics that might interfere with his woman-enslaving dream by providing the women of Kentucky with their constitutionally protected right to abortion.

Now there’s just one women’s clinic remaining in the state that provides abortions, and drooling, depraved sick fuck Matt Bevin smells victory in the air!–or maybe its just the skanky scent of blister ooze generated from excessive chode-jerking at the idea of enslaving women and owning their pussies. Who knows? Maybe he should hold his cracked, bleeding, overly-yanked pee-pee up to state inspector general Robert Silverthorn’s face and ask him what he thinks it smells like. You know–other than Bevin’s mother’s undies.

Not so fast there, you pulpy, unwashed fart muscles! EMW Women’s Clinic, Kentucky’s last abortion provider, along with Planned Parenthood and the ACLU, would like a word with you. In court. In federal fucking court. Because they’re suing your misogynistic, chode yanking-and-sniffing selves.

It seems that the state has been constantly and maliciously changing its regulatory rules for EMW in the hope of tripping it up, finding it in violation, and closing it down. Chodemeister Bevin and his prison bitch Silverthorn claim it’s all because they love women so much, they want to ensure their health is rigorously protected with nothing but the finest inefficient bullshit that bureaucracy can offer.

EMW, PP, and ACLU beg to differ.

And the Kentucky Betsies were there in Handmaid’s garb standing in silent vigil, bearing witness.

The KY Bets were last seen in their Handmaid garb this summer, at the woman-hating, fetusfetishalooza put on by the Christianity-debasing, pussy-obsessed, forced-birth fanatics Operation Save America.

Way to go, Kentucky Betsies!

Alt-Right Vulture Politicians

While the alt-right vulture politicians of Nebraska suited up for their weekly display of faux-godliness, OMAHA Betsy said “Let there be banners” and there were banners. And Omahans saw the banners, and saw that they were good.
~ Betsy 09:03

TL;DR: The Cheeto-hued One and his minions are fascist pieces of shit.

Young Men Yell At Clouds

IOWA CITY, IA… YOUNG MEN YELL AT CLOUDS

Betsy got a heads up that the “Iowa Libertarian Party” planned a playdate! They are SO MAD YOU GUYS about socialists, and socialism, and VENEZUELA and roads and shit.

Iowa Betsy informs us that the LP dudes assembled at Scooter’s mom’s house for their Libertarian Exceptionalism Book Club meeting (week 45, “Atlas Shrugged”, AGAIN). Then that scrappy band of Izod wearing original thinkers who are impossible to pigeonhole because they are so unique and individualistic when they parrot right wing narcissism masquerading as ideology grabbed their Doritos and Gadsdens, piled into Biff’s Prius, and drove (ON PUBLIC ROADS!!!! THAT. ARE. NOT. PRIVATE.) over to the chosen venue at the appointed hour.

The venue? A park.
A park named “City Park”
In the city of Iowa City.
Give that a minute.

Unbeknownst to the khaki trousered LPers, Betsy had done a recce and prepared her patented Welcome Wagon for them.

You know what actually sucks? #CognitiveDissonanceSucks

Minnesota State Fair

HAIL MINNESOTA BETSIES!!!

As the dog days of summer wind down, Betsy decided she could not miss the opportunity to visit the supersized Minnesota State Fair, where over 100,000 folks PER DAY will enjoy some family time and funnel cake, along with Betsy’s thoughts on the current state of this here union. We think these Betsies did a bang-up job and made their feelings clear. Like Crystal (<<see what we did there??).

When Betsy departed the fairgrounds she helped Saint Paul and Zumbrota get in on the sweet Betsy action, too.

L’Étoile du Nord, meet L’Étoile de Betsy!

Chodestock 2017

“FOR WHEREVER 2 OR 3 JERKS GATHER IN TRUMP’S NAME, BETSY IS THERE AMONG THEM…” Betsy 08:27

McLean County, IL: Unrepentant Trumphuming fascist pieces of shit Nick Adams (Conservative t̶a̶l̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ turnip head) and Chuck Erickson (McLean County GOP) tried to have a peaceful (SO PEACEFUL) weekend of Town & Country Trumphumping, with various events taking place at Illinois State University and a picnic at GOP Board Member George Wendt’s farm – a/k/a CHODESTOCK 2017.

Well, Betsy hates fascists but fucking loves a picnic, so she decided to attend — waving her First Amendment in their doughy white faces. Here are some of the greetings Betsy prepared for them: