Grab Gilead by the Balls

Senator Ted Cruz came to Austin, Texas, today, and Betsy was there to greet the steaming sack of shit. At first she joined with other Handmaids in protest, but then the 100+ degree temperatures began to make Betsy woozy, so she said to herself, “Fuck this, I’m grabbing Gilead by the balls.” She threw aside her red gown and bonnet and marched around downtown with her dirty pillows on full display to the supreme commanders. An added touch: she put a Betsy Riot sticker on her abdomen.



Please Control Your Fetus Fetish

Please enjoy our latest free downloadable sticker offering. We are sure many Betsies out there can find a 100% legal and appropriate place to plaster this because slapping them willy-nilly all over the next zygotemobile you see in your neighborhood would be terrible and very very wrong. Click on the link below to download a template to print on Avery 5168/8168 or similar generic labels.

Campus Carry in Kansas

Today is the day that the law allowing unregulated concealed carry at Kansas colleges and universities goes into effect. Students and anyone else may now legally carry loaded handguns into classrooms with no training or licensing–not that training or licensing would even make that flaming horseshit okay.

Campus carry is fundamentally about two things. 1) It expands the gun market by removing that pesky four-year no-guns period between having rifles at your parents’ house and having rifles at your own house, which keeps little gunlicker chodes loyal lifelong customers even while away from home. 2) It allows feculent red state shitbag legislators to make over oases of liberality and learning into the benighted feudal cesspools where they feel comfortable.

So today Kansas betsies protested the NRA fucking over their campuses with some beautiful signage and a helpful note on the doorstep of the chancellor of the KU system, reminding her that she rolled over for this bullshit.

Betsy Goes to the Ballgame

The NCAA World’s Series of Men’s College Baseball is an annual event at the TD Ameritrade Center in Omaha. Two of the teams this year were LSU and Florida. Betsy was there.

Because both Louisiana and Florida have such stellar records in NRA-crafted gun laws that literally encourage gun violence (results don’t lie!); and because Rep. Steve Scalise, the badly injured Congressional baseball practice gunshot victim, has such a robust history of shilling for the NRA–the Nebraska betsies decided the NCAA World Series of Men’s College Baseball might be a good venue to offer helpful reminders about the way the NRA has fucked up our most beloved national pastime.

No, no–we don’t mean baseball. We mean breathing.

(PS: a female police officer showed up and questioned the Nebraska betsies. “We’re national, non-violence, punk patriots and neo-suffragettes! You can find us online!” the betsies told her. “Cool!” said the officer. And then she took a group photo for them.)

Betsy Goes to Church

Never say that San Diego, California, Betsy isn’t spiritual. She went to church this weekend.

San Diego’s “City View” is a money-grubbing Hate-and-Homophobia Glory Hole posing as a Christian megachurch led by a jizz-drooling, repressed fuck face named Pastor Troy. Pastor Troy and his septic tank of faith decided to host a hate-mongering torture symposium that mocked the teachings of Christ and reveled in the various ways that you can make money tormenting young LGBTQ people who are struggling with their identities by telling them they are abnormal and unwanted by nature and should hate themselves, give money to a megachurch in thanks for that info, and maybe even become a sideshow attraction in the lucrative conversion therapy circus.

“Conversion therapy” is a hateful criminal enterprise that has been outlawed in California. But no one ever said you couldn’t still make money promoting the ideas behind it. And that’s what Pastor Troy and City View decided to do.

So San Diego Betsy decided to march down there, join the larger protest, and give those hate-worshipping charlatans and Christ mockers a piece of her fucking mind.

Hey, kids! It’s time for a singalong! Sung to the tune of Yankee Doodle Dandy! Ready?!

A one, and a two, and a–