How To Be a Betsy – Chapter 5

Part 5 of the instructional video series “How to Be a Betsy”, a Betsy Riot production.

In this episode: we learn how to create a homemade Betsy Banger tool for stapling “bandit signs” high up on telephone poles out of the reach of the angry, pundenda-scented, groping little hands of gunlicker Trumpizoids who might be compelled to rip them down in man-tearful, outraged hissyfits. All of the materials can be purchased at your local home improvement retail store–like, um, 84 Lumber, should one be near you.

NOTE: Bandit signs are more typically used by fast-buck real estate agents to exploit poor people. As such, they are considered a public nuisance by many communities. Be conscious of the laws in your area. Penalties vary. But so does the give-a-shit factor of code enforcers.

Fuck Your Fetus Fetish

If you’re enjoying SB#51 you’ll see an ad for The Handmaid’s Tale, a new series based on Margaret Atwood’s dystopian novel, soon to be aired as a televised series. Having read the book, Betsy knows that life under the Trump/Pence regime is looking awfully fucking familiar – and she is NOT lying down for it.

Behold Betsy, somewhere in Illinois, recently COUNTER-PROTESTING a group of ignorant hypocritical theocratic morality-preaching fetus fetishists hoping to defund Planned Parenthood and restrict women’s reproductive rights. 

Well fuck that.

Betsy, as is her wont, made quite the spectacle of herself, with her Handmaid regalia, nasty signage, and all around disruption of their UnplannedParenthoodParty. As a parting shot Betsy led a rousing chorus of “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” sung at full volume and quite probably interfering with the harping hypocritical man of the sackcloth leading the FetusFest™. OOPS!

The picture here is just a preview. Betsy had a more graphic image for those zygote zealots, one that would likely offend the myopic trolls who watch everything we do here on Facebook– hoping to mass report our indelicate language and graphic images that tell the TRUTH, while having a fap in their mom’s basements across the land.

For the full impact of Betsy’s signage, click over to our tweet at https://twitter.com/betsyriot/status/828393811340574722

Or go here and read about Gerri Santoro.

The Heartland Resists

THE HEARTLAND RESISTS.

Last night in Lincoln, Nebraska, a riot of 15 betsies took to the streets of downtown in response to Senators Ben Sasse’s and Deb Fischer’s pathetic licking of Trump’s boot. Nebraska senators are dutiful fascists fucking over Nebraska children by helping Trump to destroy public education for corporate gain and by remaining silent or issuing simpering lukewarm statements on Trump’s executive actions to oppress immigrants and refugees.

One of the Lincoln Betsies said: “Look how quickly the ‘Never Trump’ Ben Sasse has lined up to genuflect to his master. We gathered to condemn the disgusting moral cowardice and fascist cooperation of both Sasse and Fischer. History does not look kindly on fascist toadies, and the fact that Sasse led a Nebraska university and Fischer’s mother was a teacher makes their approval of DeVos all the more pathetic and outrageous.”

Press Release from Lincoln, NE Betsies

We belatedly checked our message box today and found this press release from yesterday waiting for us. It’s from the Nebraska Betsies!

If you’re in Lincoln and going to their local galley hop downtown–look them up! They’ll be out and about!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

February 2, 2017

(Lincoln, Nebraska)— Members of the “neo-suffragette punk patriot” protest group Betsy Riot will hold a street demonstration tomorrow night in downtown Lincoln during the monthly First Friday gallery hop in response to what the group says is the hypocritical “aiding and abetting” of the Trump agenda by Nebraska Senators Ben Sasse and Deb Fischer.

Wearing veiled Victorian widow’s garments as a symbol of mourning, and chanting protest slogans while carrying signs, the group will walk along the sidewalks of the downtown district and voice their opposition to Sasse and Fischer . The group has protested in similar fashion at past public events, including a lecture given by gun rights advocate John Lott, the annual lighting of the Capitol Christmas tree by Gov. Ricketts, and, most recently, the Women’s March in Omaha. At times the group has chanted noisily and epithetically, while at other times simply stood “in silent vigil” with the intent to shame, said a group spokesperson who identified herself only as “Betsy.”

On Friday, she said, the group will be “making some fucking noise.”

“We are outraged at the swift destruction of our beloved country by a psychotic, narcissistic Russian tool and his alcoholic, wife-beating white supremacist advisor,” Betsy said, referring to President Donald J. Trump and chief White House advisor Steve Bannon, respectively.

“Trump is a fucking asshole,” she added. “He wants to screw over Nebraska’s children by destroying their public education for the sake of corporate gain, and the only thing he seems interested in teaching Nebraska’s children, based on his executive actions, is how to hate Muslims and Mexicans, how to finger-fuck women, and how to take a giant shit on the environment.

“The Trump-Bannon agenda is corrupt, idiotic and fascistic,” she aded, “and our two fuckwad senators, Sasse and Fischer, are aiding and abetting that agenda.”

In recent weeks, the Trump Administration has come under fire for an aggressive flurry of executive orders that include a ban on immigrants and refugees from Muslim countries, as well as the appointment of cabinet heads who oppose the departments they are meant to lead, most notably Department of Education nominee Betsy DeVos, a billionaire proponent of vouchers and charter schools whose poor performance before Senate hearings and conflicts of interest have been called “troubling” by her critics.

By supporting DeVos, Senators Sasse and Fisher are failing the people of Nebraska, according to Betsy.

“Trump has nominated an absolute moron to head up our public education,” she added. “The fact that Senator Sasse led a Nebraska university and Senator Fischer’s mother was a teacher makes their approval of DeVos all the more pathetic and outrageous—particularly Ben Sasse, who spent two years beating the ‘Never Trump’ drum and who has now dropped to his knees to genuflect and lick the boot of his fascist master. That is why Betsy Riot is protesting Friday night—to condemn the disgusting, unbelievably fucked-up moral cowardice and debased, ass-eating fascist complicity of Sasse and Fischer. We hope others will join us.”

First Friday begins at 7:00 in the Haymarket and downtown area off Lincoln. Temperatures are expected to be in the 30s.

Betsy Riot is a decentralized neo-suffgagette punk patriot movement dedicated to nonviolent unapologetic resistance to Trump, the NRA, and the white nationalist movement.

Betsy Goes to the Pediatrician

Betsy took her kid to the pediatrician and contributed some stickers to the reward basket.

Bill Kintner Prematurely Evacuated

Bill Kintner Prematurely Evacuated

Whatever the fuck is going on in Nebraska, the rest of the resistance take note. There is a riot of ass-kicking betsies that are showing the rest of us how it’s done. If they can do it there, we can do it anywhere.

Yesterday, Nebraska State Senator Bill Kintner, whose many offenses include calling refugees insects, using the term “wetback” on the floor of the legislature, and working his dreary chaffed penis to dismal climax on camera in an international blackmail scheme, finally resigned from his position after unprecedented fucking blowback for a retweet of a photo of the women’s march claiming that some women are too ugly to rape. In his resignation presser he claimed that God had placed him in the legislature.

To celebrate his early departure, Nebraska betsies installed this glorious banner over downtown Lincoln. It says BILL KINTNER PREMATURELY EVACUATED.

Betsies elsewhere, take a page from this playbook!

More on Kintner: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/…/us-politician-bill-kintner-qu…/

“Misandrist Cunts”

ATTENTION BETSIES!!!!!!!

Watch our first live on-camera interview wherein Betsy gives this two-bit Infowars wannabe cub reporter the 411.

Listen with glee as Betsy stymies her interviewer with her response to the question “Do you subscribe to the whole Love Trumps Hate mantra?”

Lastly, make sure to check out the comment from one “Glenn Zamarov” weighing in from his mom’s basement in Fapperville, New Jersey, whose only rejoinder to our awesomeness is “Misandrist cunts”.

We’ll be at #WomensMarch sites all over the country today with nasty signs and widow’s weeds — JOIN US!

[Here’s your BetsyRiot starter pack: https://www.dropbox.com/…/82sax9…/AAAF8opoylab8PxSYsZA-Poya… ]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayktWuTVU0w

Welcome to the Resistance

Welcome to the Resistance

Welcome, new betsies, to the Betsy Riot. We are the decentralized neosuffragette punk patriot resistance to Trumpism and NRA fuckery.

We’ve received lots of questions from people who want to join with us. Here are the basics:

1. We are fighting a regime that is literally fascist. It will only get worse before it gets better. We are therefore anonymous. The cardinal rule is that you never out another Betsy. Are there betsies in your state? Probably, but we won’t tell you who they are even if we know. 

2. Your actions are your own. We sometimes suggest organized actions and individual actions. We make no claims about their legality nor do we have a legal defense fund. You may also get creative and fuck with fascist gun-pushing misogynist white supremacist shitheads in your own ways, and that is cool, too. But remember we don’t have bail money. We know of a few betsies facing criminal citations (misdemeanors, all) and they are doing so wearing their big girl bustles.

3. We do insist you never hurt or endanger another person in our name. We harvest tears, not blood. We believe in goodness, not niceness. Fuck with a bootlicking neo-nazi turdcock and make him cry and whimper for a safe space from your mean words and mockery. It’s actually pretty easy to do all without touching a hair on his well-oiled head.

4. So how do you get started? Well, many betsies get started by plastering soft graffiti on gun porn or Trump obscenities. We have downloadable stickers you can print at home just for such stuff. We would never, ever, EVER suggest that you deface gun porn magazines or Trump bumper stickers or that you come and take anything with “come and take it” on it, because that would be illegal. Similarly, it would be so, so very wrong of us to suggest you start making it not worth it to purveyors of fascist gunhumping bullshit by rendering such wares unsellable, for example by squirting fake blood on them or writing extremely impolite commentary on them in sharpie.

5. If you have friends who are betsies, organize an action. Get creative. Hang a banner. Place your own DIY yard sign in a prominent and amusing locale. Crash a feel-good family photo-op event hosted by your local Trumplicker politician. Wear widows’ weeds and stand quietly with a sign that tells him in florid, delicious prose exactly what he is.

6. Stay tuned. We will post ideas for organized actions that you and your friends can perform if you wish. Let’s fuck this shit up.

For Brishell

For Brishell

We want to let you know what Betsies around the country are doing today.

First, some background:

This is Brishell Jones. She was a lovely 16-year-old girl who should be turning 23 today. In 2010 she was being homeschooled and wanted to be a chef. She was treasured by her mother and father. On March 30 that year, she had gone to dinner with friends after the funeral of another kid who had been murdered. Afterward, as they were standing outside, Brishell and her friends were mowed down by an AK-47.

Behind this and every one of the millions of fucking American shootings over the years certain actors unfailingly make bank. The manufacturer who made the gun made a legal profit. The gun dealer who first sold the gun made a legal profit. The ammunition maker got his blood money and the retailers who stock the shelves got theirs. Big murder is big money, and that is why our laws allow girls like Brishell to be treated like disposable goods. Fuck that fucking shit. If you buy or sell guns you are feeding this fucked up bullshit and you can fucking go to hell.

So today Betsies around the U.S. are going to gun stores and gun-pushing retailers with the photos of Brishell’s autopsy that her mother wants the world to see. The Betsies are placing them strategically where guns and gun porn are sold so that FOR ONCE the fuckers who make money off this atrocity and the mindless gunlicking fuckwits who support them will face just a glimpse of the reality they have caused.