You know what Iowa Betsies have officially fucking had it with? U.S. Rep. Steve KKKing, the long-serving white supremacist miscreant representing both the 4th District of Iowa and the Shittiest Recesses of the Human Brain.
This weekend, Orange City, Iowa, is hosting its famous Tulip Festival, in which the residents who voted over 80% for Steve KKKing put on a pretty show of Dutch heritage and pretend to be decent human beings and not white-supremacy-enabling wads as they invite you to spend your tourist dollars in their town. One part of their annual celebration: inviting the esteemed KKKing, who presumably explains why “other people’s babies” are not fit to “rebuild civilization” but are totally welcome to enrich his district.
So Iowa Betsies headed over to place some truthful advertising around the town. Our favorite: “Fuck Your Racist Tulips.”
Connecticut Betsy greeted Il Douche as he delivered his monologue of narcissistic persecution at the United States Coast Guard Academy in New London yesterday. There’s no kind of fuckshitupper like a Constitution State fuckshitupper!
Oh, dear. Somebetsy in California left some perfumed literature all over a hotel area where the KKKGB aka the Republican Party was meeting. We hear that the deatheaters were forced to raise toasts to their treasonous takeover of our country and abject toady servitude to Il Douche while the stank of “roadkill anus” lingered in the air.
The Nebraska Betsies have proven so successful at getting in the face of “family values” congressmen who hypocritically support a national agenda of pussy grabbing, breaking up immigrant families, taking away the healthcare of millions, ruining public education, treasonously embracing Russian totalitarianism as a way of life, and enriching billionaires on the backs of the poor–along with countless other anti-neighborly, safety-destroying fascist policies–that this US SENATOR and US REP, both of whom were riled by Betsy Riot protests in their home state in the last week, have been driven to create a Betsy Riot Victim Support Group for Whiny Snowflake Politicians with Hurt Feewings.
ACTUAL PHONE CALL TRANSCRIPT (seriously): “Hello, Rep. Jeff Fortenberry? It’s Sen. Ben Sasse. Listen, man, I’ve been where you’re at. I know you’re hurting. I just want you to know I’m here for you. Those Betsies with those signs and masks and all that nasty talk and stuff–whoooooweeee, they’re mean! Just let the mantears flow, brother. There’s no shame. Let’s get together sometime and talk about it. I’ll bring the coffee and donuts. You bring the Russian vodka, Klan hoods and Holy Bibles with all the parts about polygamy, slavery, and incest underlined.”
You cowardly fuckfaces. If you want to support fascism and oppress women and ruin families and destroy lives, at least have the strength of character to force your simpering balls back down from the recesses of your body cavities and face the public anger your actions generate.
Or maybe you could just do the right thing.
Congratulations to the Nebraska Betsies once again!
Oh, those Nebraska Betsies! Sigh. What ever shall we do with you?
As seen in the yard of Nebraska Congressman Jeff “Fuckface” Fortenberry, a member of the Grabbers of Pussy (GOP) party and a laughably hypocritical, toadie anus-mouth for the flatulent, America-hating, Russian smegma-ingesting, incest-advocating fascist Trump Regime.
Photographer Joe Dusel got this photo of the Betsy Riot outside of Congressman Douchebarrel Darrel Issa’s California office today. Issa voted to fuck over his constituents by voting for Trumpcare, and the California Betsies came to remind him what a gun-pushing, death-eating piece of shit he is.
What happens when U.S. Senator Ben “Never Trump” Sasse, who it turns out from his voting record is actually U.S. Senator Ben “Always Trump” Sasse, turns the Lincoln, Nebraska marathon into a pathetic campaign opportunity for his inevitable 2020 presidential run? Betsy shows up.
Sen Ben Sasse, in gray shirt, politicizing the marathon. With Betsy Riot.
Today Nebraska’s Governor Pete Deatheater Ricketts signed into law a bill that will help women with dense breast tissue be accurately diagnosed if they have breast cancer. Sounds great, right? It is. Except meanwhile the piece of shit governor is trying to close clinics that serve poor women and children in order to give his wealthy friends tax cuts. So Betsy dressed as handmaids from Margaret Atwood’s Handmaid’s Tale and haunted his press conference. Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.