How’s It Feel, Asshole?

Kansas’s Attorney General Kris Kobach is an abscessed penis wrinkle who has risen to rightwing glory through his distinct blend of Islamophobia, disparagement of immigrants, and general evangelical twatbaggery. He is currently leading the charge under his Putin-owned overlords to completely fuck American democracy by requesting voter information from all 50 states under the pretense of investigating voting by illegal immigrants. Recently, Kobach published the names and addresses of citizens who had written his committee to complain about his voter suppression efforts.

Kobach is the perfect chode to lead Trump’s committee on “voter fraud,” being no stranger himself to cheating: he was recently fined by a federal court for lying to conceal the nature of documents in his possession about the National Voter Registration Act, and a couple of years ago he lied when applying for a building permit in Kansas, though the friendly officials there made the unusual decision not to penalize the attorney general.

Like most lying sacks of fascist excreta who avoid the law in their own lives while trying to jackboot women and people of color, Kobach gets his “moral” support from a hate megachurch in Overland Park that dresses up oppressive public policy as the revealed will of Jesus. Christ Church Anglican is part of the Anglican Mission of the Americas, which, among other predictable horseshit, aligns itself with the movement in Africa to persecute gay people.

So some betsies left a greeting card at Kobach’s rural property, then–in a rare exception to Betsy’s policy of not doxxing–she banged up these helpful flyers around nearby Lawrence, Kansas. Finally, she stopped by Christ Church Anglican of Overland Park to address the church’s shittiness.

Run For Your Lives!

The Senate’s Fuck America Healthcare Bill is dead, at least until our “leaders” cook up another grotesque way to feast on the pain and suffering of Americans. Nebraska Betsy wanted to remind Senator Deb Fischer’s constituents that if they manage to keep their healthcare it’s no thanks to the gruesome appetites of Senator Fischer, who has never met a non-millionaire constituent whose blood she doesn’t want to suck into her ghastly gullet. Betsy dropped this banner over a popular jogging path.

Betsy Plays a Mean Game of Hide and Seek

This may be Betsy’s favorite action yet.

Imagine you are Nebraska’s Governor Pete Ricketts. After a hard legislative session, in which you bought seats in the legislature using your personal wealth and slashed funding to the elderly and disabled children, you go on a feel-good tour through the deep red part of the state, where the very people you fuck over every day will come out to heil you because you make them feel really special for being white even as their disabled kidsget no more services because of you and their elderly parents will have to be moved to a home six hours away.

You’ve learned to keep a low profile in the urban areas because you never know when Betsy will humiliate you over dinner or scare you with mean words on aprons outside your office. But McCook, Nebraska? McCook, population 7,000 and hours and hours from the nearest town big enough for a parking garage? You’ll be safe there, you think to yourself as you pull the wings off a butterfly for fun.

But wait, what’s this you see upon leaving your sausagewank? It’s the BETSY RIOT. In McCook, Nebraska, standing up to say FUCK FASCISM in smalltown Trump Country. She has found you, you piece of sadistic oligarch shit. Big Betsy is watching.

The Great San Diego Betsy Riot Dick Drop

 

The San Diego betsies discovered that in the wonderful world of the Internet, a neo-suffragette punk patriot who likes to fuck shit up could easily purchase–at a surprisingly reasonable cost!–a giant inflatable dick.

Ever in search of new and exciting messaging formats with which to fight fascism and tell the death-eating blood merchants of  the NRA to go fuck themselves, the San Diego betsies purchased one.  Then they decorated it with a special message to their best girlfriend forever—-the hack NRA podcaster, remaindered bin authoress and gunhumper jerk-off model Dana “Kill Them ALL!” Loesch, a psychopathic woman-hating cool girl gun-quim who recently made a promotional NRA video encouraging gibbering, gun-licking, monkey putz-pullers to put down her Guns & Ammo centerfold, pull up their not-so-ambiguously stained whitie-tighties and cammo pants, pick up their guns, remember just how terrifying and dick-wilting women who tell you to fuck off are, then go shoot a few Women’s Marchers, who today made a pilgrimage through the sweltering heat from the NRA headquarters to the Justice Department in Washington, D.C.

Because: AHHHHHHH!!!  WOMEN WHO TELL ME TO GO FUCK MYSELF!!!  GYAHHHHHHH!!!!

And so it was that the San Diego betsies took their inflatable dick with their message to Dana Loesch and  did a late-night dick drop at their local gun range.

Because fuck you, gunfucking psychopaths who hate women.  And that includes you, Dana.

 

 

 

 

www.johnlott.com

Betsy has always had a soft spot in her heart for John Lott, the NRA’s pet “researcher,” author, and fulltime anal fissure whose fraudulent and completely debunked “studies” are used to push guns in every walk of American life. In fact, one of Betsy’s favorite actions was when multiple Betsies ruined his day by standing up during one of his public talks to call him out for the noxious carbuncle on America’s ass that he is.

So imagine Betsy’s delight when she discovered that dear Mr. Lott had allowed his web domain registration to expire. Oh, no. Heavens to us. Mr. Lott shall be displeased.

http://johnlott.com/

Don Young = Cankered Penis

Don Young is a cankered penis who has been fucking his home state of Alaska in Congress since 1973. Besides holding predictable positions on government enforced pregnancy and the assignation of thousands of his constituents to death by medical neglect and penury, this fetid chode actively wants to open up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to permanent fucking by the oil industry. You know, because #prolife. So Alaska Betsy has taken to improving this cheese-dribbler’s campaign signs and encourages fellow residents of the Last Frontier to keep a marker handy and add their own improvements.

John “Goose-Step” Gale

Betsy Rioters in Nebraska placed a sign in front of the home of Nebraska Secretary of State John “Goose-Step” Gale, who is all too eager to hand over Nebraska voter information to the widely disdained and fraudulent Pence-Kobach commission in their pursuit to make Russia’s job at hacking and controlling our democratic voting system that much easier. Fuck Goose-Step Gale and fuck the unending degradation of our democracy by the fascist imbeciles of the Kremlin Klan.

Grab Gilead by the Balls

Senator Ted Cruz came to Austin, Texas, today, and Betsy was there to greet the steaming sack of shit. At first she joined with other Handmaids in protest, but then the 100+ degree temperatures began to make Betsy woozy, so she said to herself, “Fuck this, I’m grabbing Gilead by the balls.” She threw aside her red gown and bonnet and marched around downtown with her dirty pillows on full display to the supreme commanders. An added touch: she put a Betsy Riot sticker on her abdomen.

 

 

Ruin A Fascist’s Day

How to Be a Betsy: Ruin a Fascist’s Day

Today when Nebraska Governor Pete Deatheater Ricketts showed up for lunch at a restaurant, a fellow diner and Betsy fan asked herself “What would Betsy do?” then sent us this recording of her glorious takedown of Dimestore Lex Luthor.

This is The Betsy Way: may no polite fascist find solace or succor while fucking over the poor, the sick, the elderly, the downtrodden, the young, the planet. Evil thrives on etiquette and depends on polite society allowing it to fester in the office next door or the restaurant booth across the aisle. Betsy says: not on my watch, motherfucker.

Be a Betsy.

https://www.facebook.com/betsyriot/videos/1862164617443667/