How do shithead politicians reconcile their poor-hating, gun-pushing, immigrant-targeting policies with the Christian religion, which worships an impoverished middle eastern refugee baby who grew up to advocate nonviolent socialist ideals?
Christianist hate churches, that’s how. In every state in this country where policy makers are fucking the poor, the brown, and the vulnerable, they are being applauded and empowered by pastors and congregations that teach them that God himself sanctions stomping a jackboot on the most needy among us.
Christianist hate churches are the ideological motors of the far right. They are where the most disgusting impulses in our country receive social and “divine” validation.
Case in point: Berean Church of Nebraska is a megachurch whose congregation includes a roster of jackboots propping themselves up on a Bible. Most recently, congregant Doug Peterson, Attorney General of the State of Nebraska, co-signed a letter asking Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III to make it easier to deport Dreamers—he literally worships an immigrant on Sundays and wants help from Trump to bust up immigrant families on Mondays.
Fuck that piece of shit.
Nebraska Betsies held a demonstration in front of the church yesterday morning, where the congregation gaped, gasped, and offered up the single-finger Berean Salute as they rolled into church. At one point church security—which is armed at Berean—tried to intimidate the Betsies by driving by at a crawl wearing a doucheketeer bluetooth earpiece and filming them as closely as possible for later wanking in the church situation room.
Betsy is here to say: you don’t get to practice everyday fascism with no pushback anymore.
Don Young is a cankered penis who has been fucking his home state of Alaska in Congress since 1973. Besides holding predictable positions on government enforced pregnancy and the assignation of thousands of his constituents to death by medical neglect and penury, this fetid chode actively wants to open up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to permanent fucking by the oil industry. You know, because #prolife. So Alaska Betsy has taken to improving this cheese-dribbler’s campaign signs and encourages fellow residents of the Last Frontier to keep a marker handy and add their own improvements.
Betsy Rioters in Nebraska placed a sign in front of the home of Nebraska Secretary of State John “Goose-Step” Gale, who is all too eager to hand over Nebraska voter information to the widely disdained and fraudulent Pence-Kobach commission in their pursuit to make Russia’s job at hacking and controlling our democratic voting system that much easier. Fuck Goose-Step Gale and fuck the unending degradation of our democracy by the fascist imbeciles of the Kremlin Klan.
Senator Ted Cruz came to Austin, Texas, today, and Betsy was there to greet the steaming sack of shit. At first she joined with other Handmaids in protest, but then the 100+ degree temperatures began to make Betsy woozy, so she said to herself, “Fuck this, I’m grabbing Gilead by the balls.” She threw aside her red gown and bonnet and marched around downtown with her dirty pillows on full display to the supreme commanders. An added touch: she put a Betsy Riot sticker on her abdomen.
Today when Nebraska Governor Pete Deatheater Ricketts showed up for lunch at a restaurant, a fellow diner and Betsy fan asked herself “What would Betsy do?” then sent us this recording of her glorious takedown of Dimestore Lex Luthor.
This is The Betsy Way: may no polite fascist find solace or succor while fucking over the poor, the sick, the elderly, the downtrodden, the young, the planet. Evil thrives on etiquette and depends on polite society allowing it to fester in the office next door or the restaurant booth across the aisle. Betsy says: not on my watch, motherfucker.
New Mexico governor Susana Martinez is a transphobic, homophobic, pro-woman enslaving, domestic abuse-loving, public education-destroying, public healthcare-denying, Texas oil money shill and fierce–if badly slurring– drunken pizza party advocate (Google her name, “pizza,” and “911” for a few laughs) whose legendary ineptitude, jaw-dropping pettiness, outrageous nepotism, and Kill-Gut-Then-Eat-the-Poor-From-Your-Privileged-Diamond-Encrusted-Dinner-Table fiscal beliefs have earned New Mexico the title of “Worst-Run State” for two consecutive years running. This shitstain Trumpite enriches herself and rewards her wealthy unqualified cronies and donors with state appointments, while gratuitously and cruelly denying even the simplest of human dignities to the vulnerable in what is historically a poor state.
And so the New Mexico Betsy Rioters decided to pay a night visit to their State Capitol in Sante Fe–aka “the Roundhouse”–and leave a special message for their corrupt, hateful and incompetent governor, complete with pizza-shape exclamation points and helpful suggestions on how to spend quality time with her mom.
(BTW, the “tejana” nickname is apparently a regional monicker in New Mexico emphasizing Martinez’s outsider Texas origins and her lack of commitment to New Mexico as anything other than a shitting place for her and her poor people-belching Texas oil buddies.)
Nebraska Governor Pete Deatheater Ricketts publicly announced his re-election campaign to an audience of fawning toadies. Betsy was on hand to point out to attendees that Ricketts, who uses his personal fortune to buy legislative seats and fund ballot initiatives to work around the legislature, just preserved his own tax cuts by slashing services to children, the sick, and the elderly. Fuck him, they said.
Ricketts’s retinue of fascist snowflakes responded by calling the police on Betsy Riot because the signs made them feel unsafe. One C-grade would-be Nazi began haranguing a Betsy whilst he chomped on his celebratory cake, which was almost certainly baked from an off-brand mix by one of the sister wives inside and more likely than not had excessive, cloying frosting. When Betsy said, “Go choke on your cake,” the poor thing wailed out that Betsy had issued him a death threat. Lincoln Police were unmoved.
Later, an albino chode exited the building with his kids, and paused to tell the Betsies that he did not approve of them and held up his middle finger in their general direction. A Betsy told him to go fuck himself, and the fragile lad ran home to Twitter, where he claimed that Betsy had verbally attacked his children. A local radio personality–we use the term “personality” loosely–who had also once had his feewings hurt by Betsy Riot invited the victim on his show, where the two puddles commiserated about how things have just truly gone to hell when you can’t hold a nice sausage wank for a predatory fascist anymore without mean ladies fucking up your day.