Young Men Yell At Clouds

IOWA CITY, IA… YOUNG MEN YELL AT CLOUDS

Betsy got a heads up that the “Iowa Libertarian Party” planned a playdate! They are SO MAD YOU GUYS about socialists, and socialism, and VENEZUELA and roads and shit.

Iowa Betsy informs us that the LP dudes assembled at Scooter’s mom’s house for their Libertarian Exceptionalism Book Club meeting (week 45, “Atlas Shrugged”, AGAIN). Then that scrappy band of Izod wearing original thinkers who are impossible to pigeonhole because they are so unique and individualistic when they parrot right wing narcissism masquerading as ideology grabbed their Doritos and Gadsdens, piled into Biff’s Prius, and drove (ON PUBLIC ROADS!!!! THAT. ARE. NOT. PRIVATE.) over to the chosen venue at the appointed hour.

The venue? A park.
A park named “City Park”
In the city of Iowa City.
Give that a minute.

Unbeknownst to the khaki trousered LPers, Betsy had done a recce and prepared her patented Welcome Wagon for them.

You know what actually sucks? #CognitiveDissonanceSucks

Chodestock 2017

“FOR WHEREVER 2 OR 3 JERKS GATHER IN TRUMP’S NAME, BETSY IS THERE AMONG THEM…” Betsy 08:27

McLean County, IL: Unrepentant Trumphuming fascist pieces of shit Nick Adams (Conservative t̶a̶l̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ turnip head) and Chuck Erickson (McLean County GOP) tried to have a peaceful (SO PEACEFUL) weekend of Town & Country Trumphumping, with various events taking place at Illinois State University and a picnic at GOP Board Member George Wendt’s farm – a/k/a CHODESTOCK 2017.

Well, Betsy hates fascists but fucking loves a picnic, so she decided to attend — waving her First Amendment in their doughy white faces. Here are some of the greetings Betsy prepared for them:

Betsy Heads to Janesville

Betsy packed her bag, making sure to include plenty of venom and veracity, and set out for a visit to Janesville, WI where Cuck of the House Paul Ryan lives in a home that is both beautiful and completely out of reach for the hardworking Americans that Speaker Ryan and his party pretend to care about. Betsy checked her social calendar and discovered that she wasn’t invited over to sip mint juleps on the porch with the Ryans. In staunch adherence to her Bettiquette, she did not disturb nor approach their impressive and enviable brick manse but Betsy can’t help but to assume it is equipped with some kind of sophisticated C.N.R.F. (Constituent Noise Reduction Features) because how else would the Speaker of the House be able to deafen his ears to the righteously angry Americans that he and his party are screwing over?

While Betsy was visiting Janesville, she was informed that Paul Ryan was to hold a Town Hall at the Racine Theatre Guild in Racine, WI. Not wanting to miss out on this now-rare-for-Ryan event, Betsy headed that way to see the first Town Hall the congressman had held in over 630 days. Yes, that’s right, the leader of the House of Representatives had not held a forum in his district to listen to the concerns of the people since October 2015. Why? Because he was scared of protesters coming and of those who would come and ask him difficult questions, or, in truth-terms, he was scared of doing his job and having to explain why he continually sells the American Dream to his biggest donors and to explain why his tax “reform” plan includes more massive tax breaks for the wealthiest Americans and large corporations (the 1%) and provides these back-scratches at the peril of the rest of us 99 percenters.

While the spineless puppet, on strings from his billionaire bankrollers, answered scripted questions and pretended that his tepid statement post-Charlottesville denouncing white supremacy cancels out his sycophantic, complicit Trumphumping, Betsy was outside with her fellow patriots in the #Resistance, but overall the “Town Hall,” with more law enforcement officers** and security detail present than protesters, had a feel about as welcoming as a gated community during a lockdown.

**Betsy was astonished at how many “Back the Badge” signs she saw on her Wisconsin travels. Seemingly the new Wisconsin state flower, there was one in nearly every-other-yard and Betsy grew tired of seeing support *only* for LEOs as if actual minority groups aren’t being discriminated against, marginalized, profiled, and shot every day in America. Of course, Betsy had to make her own version, which she must admit she likes ever-so-much better!

Fuck the Cowards at Everytown

HOLD BETSY’S EARRINGS.

Betsy Riot began with a simple message: FUCK THE NRA and its gunhumping knob-slurping minions. When the NRA and Russia installed President Tiny Hands von Pussy Grabber into office, we expanded our messaging to: FUCK FASCISM, because fascism is the tie that binds.

Which is why we were dismayed recently to learn that Everytown for Gun Safety (ET), the largest so-called “gun violence prevention” organization in America, has chosen a very different message: FASCISM, RACISM, POLICE BRUTALITY, GUNLICKING AND TRUMP ARE FUCKING AWESOME!

Everytown, it turns out, is demonstrating its courage and commitment to ending gun violence in America by co-funding and co-sponsoring the annual circle jerk of police brutality celebrants who comically call themselves the Fraternal Order of Police (FOP)! Everytown is lending their name to the event alongside the NRA, Beretta, and other killing-related tacticalwhateverthefuckwhogivesashit businesses–because the best way to fight gun violence is to give your money to fascists, roll over to show them your vulnerable crotch and hope they like you.

Betsy Riot says: FUCK THAT SHIT.

Our rage at the murder lobbyists now must become a big tent rage that includes Everytown and any other so-called “gun violence prevention group” that has made deliberate, calculated concessions to the NRA and its brown-shirted enablers at the state and federal levels, concessions most often paid for with the lives and bodies of black and brown youth in this country.

Let’s review:

–The FOP endorsed Donald Trump.

–The FOP defended Trump when he gave police a green light to stomp their jackboots all over due process and rough up arrestees.

–The FOP called 12-year-old Tamir Rice, shot dead for holding a toy gun, a “thug.”

–Google “Lautenberg Amendment”. FOP opposed that and sued to stop it.

–A scheduled speaker at this year’s FOPfest is none other than Betty Jo Shelby, the murderous cop who was recently acquitted for the killing of an unarmed black man, Terence Crutcher.

It is unconscionable that a so-called gun violence prevention organization is handing money (whose money? Yours?) alongside the NRA to sponsor an unapologetic fascism fan club. Crushing your moral compass and holding hands with the murderers of unarmed inner city children is no way to end gun violence in this country.

If you care about gun violence, we call on you to stop wasting your dollars by supporting fascism by proxy. Fuck the cowards of Everytown and donate instead to Black Lives Matter or a worthy social justice program of your choice.

And as always, send your mantears and/or momtears to betsyriot@gmail.com

White-Out

From the Iowa & Illinois Betsy Riot: The Trump administration has asked the Klansman-endorsed head of the Department of Justice to sue universities whose affirmative action admission policies result in “intentional race-based discrimination” against white people. Yes, the fucking Department of Justice is deploying its **Civil Rights Division** to undo vital racial justice work at American colleges and universities, and were directed to do so by a steaming pile of incestuous nepotistic legacy admits. According to the DoJ memo, shitty lickspittle employees are to indicate their interest in working this assignment by today, August 9.

So Betsies at the University of Iowa and Northwestern University installed these giant bottles of White-Out to mark the new Trump administration approach to higher ed.

www.waynelapierre.com

Attention, Betsies.

America’s murder lobby a/k/a the NRA has a new video, in which Death Barbie Dana says that the NRA–we shit thee not– is “coming for” the New York Times. (No links to that shit from here. Google it and turn your volume up to 11 to hear it over the mobs of fapping Duck Dynasty extras that comprise her fan base.) It seems that Wayne LaPierre and crew are not at all happy that the New York Times is hurting the fragile fee-fees of the President they wasted $30million to get elected.

In these polarizing times, we at Betsy Central are angry about fake news, too. So let’s get right to it–for too long the media has sanitized the facts about Wayne LaPierre and his historic success at building the American murder industry. That’s why, when Mr. LaPierre let his domain registration lapse, the Betsy Riot acquired www.waynelapierre.com to right the record. Please check it out and be sure to admire the portfolio of his work.

Ted Nugent – Canceled

**BREAKING**

Check out what just came down the pike.

Do you remember Ted Nugent? He is a has-been “musician” turned NRA board member who has tried to maintain his fame by stoking gunlicking, white nationalist cocksplats into a war against liberals and people of color. He himself avoided actual war by literally shitting his pants to get out of it, then rose to musical s̶t̶a̶r̶d̶o̶m̶ half-chub through such hits as “Jailbait,” about his interest in raping a 13-year-old girl. This peach was recently invited to the White House, where he left a trail of Slim Jim grease and pre-ejaculate all over the golden drapery of the Oval Office.

Well, Ron Onesti, owner of Arcada Theater in St. Charles outside of Chicago, decided to invite this misogynist white supremacist living shart to give a concert there tonight, but was sufficiently aware that Spugent would be received poorly by the city that he didn’t even hang up a single poster to advertise. Imagine Illinois Betsy’s surprise when she strolled by this morning to discover a large handmade CANCELED banner hung on the theater, a rather surprising letter from the Spuge himself on the theater window, an apology taped on the door of nearby businesses, and even a sign decrying the fucker in the front lawn of the theater owner.

“Thanks for the Sepsis”

So what does Louisville, KY, Betsy do to unwind after a long day spent telling hayseed neo-nazis to go fuck their moms? Why, she swings by the home of her old friend and recovering high school swirly victim Sen. Mitch “Murder Turtle” McConnell, and she drops off a “Thanks For The Sepsis” banner on his front doorstep in tribute to his incompetently executed and ultimately failed campaign to destroy healthcare for millions of vulnerable Americans–with a little career advice for the Yertle manqué tossed in for good measure.

Murder Turtle

Kentucky Betsies delivered some calling cards to the porch of their homicidal senator (see our post from last night) and inspired us to make this helpful reference guide for suggested new fauna names. Share with your friends to get the word out.

GOP = Fucking Nauseating Shithouse

Today something appalling happened–it has been all over the news and has shaken some people to their very core, threatening the country as they thought they knew it.

No, not the Senate taking healthcare from millions or the president using trans people as a pawn in his idiotic political theater. Rather, it seems that two Albuquerque Betsies splattered a red energy drink on a Republican Party office sign after standing outside with words on posterboard. The simpering taints at the office strapped on their thunder shirts until they felt safe, then called the police to investigate the “spray paint” that they videotaped themselves wiping off with a sponge.

We at Betsy Central were contacted by the Associated Press about this tragedy, and here is our statement:

“Betsy Riot is an anonymous, decentralized, nonviolent, grassroots feminist organization. We were not informed ahead of time about this action by Albuquerque Betsies and were only made aware when the Otero County Republican Party went public with their outrage. We immediately launched an internal investigation of the circumstances surrounding the event, which included an emergency meeting of our leadership council, interviews with relevant parties and a comprehensive re-examination of our membership vetting process. White papers were produced, as well as PowerPoint presentations. The whole process took fifteen minutes.

Our findings were that the masked ‘violent’ radical extremists were actually two women in tee shirts holding signs. The ‘spray paint’ was actually an energy drink. The “A” stood for ‘Assholes,’ which is what the GOP are. And the only thing that was obstructed at the building’s entrance was the already low chance the assholes within the building had of getting laid.

In their interviews with Betsy Riot leadership, the Albuquerque Betsies noted that the Republican Party has become a fucking nauseating shithouse full of misogynists, racists, homophobes, gunlickers, and general moral rot that is attempting at this moment to kill countless Americans as well as destroying our democratic institutions and the very fucking least a decent human being ought to be doing is calling these morally diseased chodes for what they are on a regular basis.

The Albuquerque Betsies further pointed out only an ethically defunct shit-for-brains like a Republican Party official would waste police resources on mean words and a sugary drink and call such a protest ‘violent’ even as the literal human excreta they elected to Congress are attempting to kill people. The Albuquerque Betsies align themselves with similar recent protests by the Betsy Riot in Kentucky, Virginia, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, and even the Isle of Man, all places where local officials are making it a priority to fuck over women, people of color, the poor, the vulnerable, or our entire planet, and where they will continue to face opposition by the growing numbers of the Betsy Riot.

We were satisfied with these answers and consider the case closed.

–xoxo Betsy Riot”

US News & World Report: https://www.usnews.com/…/2-protesters-accused-of-vandalizin…

The Santa Fe New Mexican: http://www.santafenewmexican.com/…/article_91d76fb4-e371-5f…

Raw footage of the devastating cleanup operations: https://www.facebook.com/newmexicogop/videos/10155980218396874/