A Tall Glass of Hot Creamy Man Tears

Betsies in Nebraska are sitting back and enjoying a tall glass of hot creamy man tears after an entire congregation of ethically impaired trumpsterbuckets shit their pants because some Betsy violated their safe space by putting super mean and true **paper flyers** on their windshields. Poor snowflakes!

Here’s the statement a Nebraska Betsy gave the reporter when the reporter asked why Betsy Riot chose rightwing churches as the target of their flyers:

“These legislators control policy at the federal and state levels. Their policies lead to the death and suffering of immigrant kids and refugees. They are inhumane, craven deatheaters who build profit and political careers off of inflicting misery on the most vulnerable people among us, the people who most need our compassion and help. How do they get away with this? They go to churches every Sunday that gift them with the veneer of piety and respectability, that let them preen themselves as God-fearing servants of Christ. In fact, they are violating the most basic moral tenets and their churches are providing them cover. 

Betsy Riot is about the difference between being polite and doing good. We don’t give a rat’s ass if those churchgoers think we are rude while they sit in their Sunday best lending religious credibility to men who crush children fleeing from war.”

And P.S., Congressman Don Bacon: walking on water is the least significant difference between you and the savior you profess to follow. Start with the fundamental flaw in your moral compass, you piece of shit.



Very Scary Betsies

We invite you to relish this primo trumpster snowflake, whose emails were acquired from a Freedom of Information request and shared with Betsy Riot.

Coby Mach is the head of a rightwing business association (LIBA) in Lincoln, Nebraska, and also obsessively watches this Facebook page for fear that veiled ladies might say mean words to him one day. Recently, Mr. Mach organized a luncheon where bootlicking fascist US Senator Deb Fischer would speak to Mr Mach’s fascist organization while assiduously avoiding her actual constituents. Mr. Mach, who generally hates it when government spends money, believed that the Lincoln Police Department needed to send a battalion of officers to make his snowflake luncheon a safe space from THE BETSY RIOT. Lincoln Police declined, saying that they would patrol the area according to their usual policy, but that if he wanted private security for his buffet the bill would be on him. 

Later, after the vewy scawy pwotest in which Betsies called the bootlicker senator a bootlicker and other protesters knocked on the window, Mach changed his soiled Fruit of the Looms (we assume) and expressed to Lincoln Police that his feelings were hurt because they had failed to arrest anyone. LPD explained that they viewed the whole thing as a success–nobody was hurt, no property was damaged, and nobody got arrested. But it did not feel like a safe space for Mr. Mach. Poor guy.

Here are some highlights from his lengthy email exchange, as well as a photo of the Betsies.

Betsy Riot Fucks the Blaze 2.0

Betsy Riot Fucks the Blaze 2.0

Did you see the Blaze’s interview with Texas Representative Snuggles McSweatervest we posted last night? In which Mssr. Sweatervest is moved to something like tears by outrage at Betsy and her Christmas cards? Well, another Betsy was so touched by the interview that she made this dramatic rendition of it for your enjoyment.
The original is here, in case you missed it: https://www.facebook.com/betsyriot/posts/1754298864896910


Betsy Riot Fucks The Blaze

Betsy Riot Fucks The Blaze

Though Christmas draws nigh, at Betsy Riot we are still giving thanks for the bountiful harvest of man-tears sown by Christmas cards that for once asked NRA bootlickers to see images of the damage guns do. Texas Representative Snuggles McSweatervest was SHOCKED! SHOCKED! that someone used a public directory to send him a card asking him to look at the actual consequences of his NRA rimjob legislation.


Betsy Riot Fucks The Daily Caller

Betsy Riot Fucks The Daily Caller

After Breitbart ran its piece on us, a reporter from the Daily Caller, the feeble spawn of Tucker Carlson’s autoerotic asphyxiation experiments with his bowtie, approached the Betsy Riot page about an interview, eventually producing this Pulitzer-worthy piece:


Yet when the reporter returned to his desk after lunch, something wasn’t sitting right with him, and it wasn’t just that undercooked meatball footlong. It was the DERANGED and ABSURD exchange he had suffered with one of our admins, and so he decided in his infinite wisdom to publish the interview in full here because he was feeling VERY PERSEKKKUTED.


(Enjoy such finely wrought prose as “Over two-thirds of every gun-related death is a suicide in any given year…”)

‘Punk Patriots’ Attempt To Terrorize Hundreds Of Gun Owners With Explicit Suicide Photos

Betsy Sends Truthful Christmas Cards

Betsy Sends Truthful Christmas Cards

Ladies, get a load of this. The publication run by Il Douche’s chief neo-nazi strategist ran a story on little old *US* today. So even as the Electoral College was meeting to install the PGOTUS (Pussy Grabber of the United States), the biggest win for Russia since Sputnik, Breitbart was circulating our photo calling Dear Leader a TWAT. Thank you, Breitbart! Why did we deserve such attention? Because Christmas cards violate the safe spaces of religious right bible-thumping gunlicking NRA jizzstains who communally shit their pants when they are finally–FINALLY!–called out on the very unchristlike violence they promote with their depraved NRA agenda.


How to Be a Betsy – Part 4: Chalk Graffiti

How to Be a Betsy – Part 4: Chalk Graffiti

Part 4 of the instructional video series “How to Be a Betsy“, a BetsyRiot production.

In this episode: Chalk! Since the days of the fearsome Suffragettes, chalk has been used to speak truth to power on many forms of cement both laterally and vertically. The era of spray chalk has only expanded the possibilities, bringing to the age-old practice a modern speed and efficiency that causes many a gunlicker to gasp in indignation and even more to weep with frustrated man-tears of impotent rage and butthurtedness.

(As seen on the Betsy Riot YouTube Channel!)

Greeting Cards for Gunwhore Legislators

Greeting Cards for Gunwhore Legislators

Uh oh. It seems a Betsy sent 150 Missouri gunwhore legislators some greeting cards calling them out as the NRA-testicle-caressing fucktrumpets that they are, which has prompted an exquisite circlejerk manbaby cryfest across the Shoot-Me State. The best part? The lily-white virginal dears cannot BELIEVE that Betsy would have been so tasteless as to potentially expose their CHILDREN to the F-WORD. You know, the same children who can access daddy’s Glock under the bed during a playdate.


Betsy Went A’chalking

This is pure beauty! Some betsies took their chalk and visited a gunlicker fundraiser in San Diego. Predictably, the proud, brave “patriots” who want AR-15s in every home can’t tell the difference between chalk and spraypaint (oh, how we wish it had been spraypaint) and are absolutely SCANDALIZED that they have for once been called out for what they are.


John Lott is a Lying Sack of Shit

John Lott is a Lying Sack of Shit

We hear from Nebraska Betsy that John Lott is positively torn up over being called out as a lying sack of shit during his recent visit to the Cornhusker state. Even better, his local disciples, always staunch defenders of Constitutional freedoms, believe Nebraska Betsy has gone beyond the protections of the First Amendment in holding signs at Lott’s NRA jizzfest. Nebraska Betsy will be sure to request the sweet nectar of gunlicker tears for her last meal.