Drowning in fascism? Betsy’s your lifeline.
The NCAA World’s Series of Men’s College Baseball is an annual event at the TD Ameritrade Center in Omaha. Two of the teams this year were LSU and Florida. Betsy was there.
Because both Louisiana and Florida have such stellar records in NRA-crafted gun laws that literally encourage gun violence (results don’t lie!); and because Rep. Steve Scalise, the badly injured Congressional baseball practice gunshot victim, has such a robust history of shilling for the NRA–the Nebraska betsies decided the NCAA World Series of Men’s College Baseball might be a good venue to offer helpful reminders about the way the NRA has fucked up our most beloved national pastime.
No, no–we don’t mean baseball. We mean breathing.
(PS: a female police officer showed up and questioned the Nebraska betsies. “We’re national, non-violence, punk patriots and neo-suffragettes! You can find us online!” the betsies told her. “Cool!” said the officer. And then she took a group photo for them.)
Never say that San Diego, California, Betsy isn’t spiritual. She went to church this weekend.
San Diego’s “City View” is a money-grubbing Hate-and-Homophobia Glory Hole posing as a Christian megachurch led by a jizz-drooling, repressed fuck face named Pastor Troy. Pastor Troy and his septic tank of faith decided to host a hate-mongering torture symposium that mocked the teachings of Christ and reveled in the various ways that you can make money tormenting young LGBTQ people who are struggling with their identities by telling them they are abnormal and unwanted by nature and should hate themselves, give money to a megachurch in thanks for that info, and maybe even become a sideshow attraction in the lucrative conversion therapy circus.
“Conversion therapy” is a hateful criminal enterprise that has been outlawed in California. But no one ever said you couldn’t still make money promoting the ideas behind it. And that’s what Pastor Troy and City View decided to do.
So San Diego Betsy decided to march down there, join the larger protest, and give those hate-worshipping charlatans and Christ mockers a piece of her fucking mind.
Hey, kids! It’s time for a singalong! Sung to the tune of Yankee Doodle Dandy! Ready?!
A one, and a two, and a–
Wisconsin Betsy was having her carpet cleaned back at her apartment, and so with time on her hands, she ambled down to her local thrift store to while away the hours. There, something caused her to suddenly remember that tomorrow night, prime time TV’s Megyn Kelly was providing a national forum to–and thereby facilitating the normalization of–gunlicking psychopathic Sandy Hook hoaxer, deadbeat dad, racist, misogynist, fascist Apoplexy Foundation poster child, Trump advisor and human fecal implant Alex Jones.
Unfortunately–or fortunately, depending on your viewpoint–Betsy then discovered to her great surprise that she had a Sharpie in her hand!
And then she encountered Ducky Dynasty and Call of Duty tee shirts, and claptrap not just by Megan Kelly, but by Palin, Huckabee, and some ambiguously encrusted douche nozzle libertarian dude.
How to Be a Betsy: Ruin a Fascist’s Day
Today when Nebraska Governor Pete Deatheater Ricketts showed up for lunch at a restaurant, a fellow diner and Betsy fan asked herself “What would Betsy do?” then sent us this recording of her glorious takedown of Dimestore Lex Luthor.
This is The Betsy Way: may no polite fascist find solace or succor while fucking over the poor, the sick, the elderly, the downtrodden, the young, the planet. Evil thrives on etiquette and depends on polite society allowing it to fester in the office next door or the restaurant booth across the aisle. Betsy says: not on my watch, motherfucker.
Be a Betsy.
OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM BETSY RIOT
ON THE RECENT TRAGEDY AT THE FASCIST
GUNSTITUTIONAL GOP/NRA DEATHWHORE/
PIECES OF SHIT BASEBALL PRACTICE:
“Violence is never the answer. Our thoughts and
prayers go out to your sorry fucking asses.
Just kidding. You’re assholes.
Now here’s a photo of some Betsies treading on the
piss-colored symbol of the hateful anti-government
dogma you spew to gunlickers.”
xoxo Betsy Riot
PS: No, but seriously–violence is never the answer.
PPS: Telling you to go fuck yourself is.
PPPS: Getting shot hurts and is a bummer, we know.